Live Laugh Love
by Ryder24
Summary: Spencer has hopes and dreams for her life. Will she be able to live them or will something or SOMEONE get in her way of her goals? R&R...Thx!
1. Chapter 1

So here I am back writing another FF... hahaha. I was going to take a break on writing but I just wanted to keep on writing!! Hopefully you guys dont mind hahaha!

Well tell me what you think of it ok...I want to make sure you guys like it!!

**Live. Laugh. Love. **

When I was born my mother died having me. Apparently there was some complications with the birth and my father had to make a decision to let me live or let my mother die.

I'm sure that it was the hardest thing for my father to do in his life. To let go of the love of your life for someone who you have never met before. My dad would tell me and my brothers Glen and Clay all the time what a beautiful women she was. How she loved us so much. Of course she didn't get a chance to hold me instead she was losing her life for me. I thank her every day for that opportunity to be alive and well right now.

So what do I do. I live my life every day and I don't let anything get in my way. I want to show her that I can make something of myself and be the women I know she would want me to be. Even though I didn't know my mother doesn't mean that I don't think of her. I look at all of the pictures of her and I swear sometimes I feel like I can feel her near me.

My dad says that I'm the spitting image of her and I'm so proud that I look like her.

So it's just dad, my brothers, and me in this house. That's how its always been but there's something changing this year. I actually got accepted to Banton Private school in Pennsylvania. It's not that far from our Ohio home which is good because I would miss my family alot if I didn't get a chance to at least visit a couple of times during the year.

Banton is one of the topic private schools that they have around and I get to go there. Of course it took some time until I got accepted. They said that they had a waiting list and didn't know when I would be able to get in. So here I am my Junior year finally getting my acceptance letter for the school. All I got to say is that it's about damn time.

I know with my two years here then I will be able to get into Yale or my dream school Princeton. That's where mom went and I want to be a legacy just like she was. I want her to know that I can do anything that I set my mind to.

xxxx

"Spencer. Spencer! SPENCER!" I took the ear plugs out of my ears and I looked up at Glen as he was standing by my bedroom door.

Oh did I mention my name was Spencer. Ooops. Sorry. I know I'm bad when it comes to things like that.

Anyways. Back to the subject at hand.

"What do you want Glen?"

"Dad's in the car waiting for you. You've been sitting in this room for the last half an hour."

I couldn't help it. I was having a hard time letting my room go. I know that I'm going to be great over there but I still was going to miss this place.

"Sorry. I'm just making sure that I got everything that I need."

"Woman, you have about six boxes of all your shit in the truck. I think you have everything you need." I smiled at his comment. I got off of my bed and made my way downstairs.

Clay was already in the truck with dad and it was just Glen and me in the house. I turned and looked at everything that I remembered from my childhood.

"You'll be back for holidays Spencer. You don't have to get all emotional." Why did he always have to be an ass for? I shut the door and I made my way out to the vehicle.

Here goes nothing.

xxxx

Can you say FOREVER?

Because that's how long it took for us to get to Banton. Dad drove all day and night. We didn't get there until the following morning. Of course I think that we would of been there before that but we all had to take bathroom stops like crazy. My poor little bladder.

We pulled up to this gate and dad had to tell the guard that I was a new student for the year. Of course this buff looking bald guy asked for my name and then looked me up on his list. Gees all of this just to get into the school. Shit with all the money my dad is paying for this school it better be high class.

Wow. I just sounded like a snob there.

Trust me we are far from rich but mom left us all money for college. So dad said that he would pay for Banton for me so I could get into Princeton. Well that's what I'm hoping for.

Dad parked the car out side of the girls hall. Trenton Hall. I was really excited to get into my room. I can't remember who my roommate is but I just hope that she's pretty cool. I don't know if I can handle a bitchy roommate. Yeah I can't handle those types of girls.

Dad and the boys helped me get all of my stuff up to my room and then after that I walked them out to the truck. I stood out there looking at everything around me and then I looked at the three most important guys in my life since birth standing in front of me.

Here comes the tears.

"I'm going to miss you daddy." I wrapped my arms around his neck and he squeezed me so tight.

"I'm going to miss you to honey. Now remember you can call anytime you want ok. Don't be afraid to use the phone. I want to make sure that you are doing alright here." I shook my head ok as I whipped away the tears that feel from my eyes.

"Dork don't forget that I will come and kick anyones ass if they try to hit on you." That's Glen for you. He's always been protective of me since I was little. He felt like he had to be my protector. I liked it though.

"I'll be sure to tell the guys that." Not that I've actually had any boyfriend before but I guess this was a different place so anything can happen right. But right now It's not on my priority list. I want to concentrate on school and not have to worry about finding a boyfriend. That's just not me.

"Baby sister I'm going to miss you so much." That would be clay. My adopted brother. My parents adopted him a year before they had me. Clay was abandon at birth and my dad being the social worker that he is took Clay in and hes been apart of the family since. I wouldn't have it any other way.

"I love you all." I said my final goodbyes and I watched them drive away.

Here I was in a new state, at a new school living my life. Doing something that I know will benifit me in the long run.

**(A/N: So what did you think of the beginning? Kind of short I know but the first chpts for me always are hahaha...anyways tell me your thoughts and be sure too...LEAVE THE LOVE!! Hahaha)**


	2. Chapter 2

Hey you guys thx for the reviews!!

Heres another chpt your way!

Enjoy!

**Live. Laugh. Love. **

This is where I'll be staying for the next year.

It should be fun. Well at least I hope it is.

As soon as I made my way up to my room my roommate was already in there. She was a hispanic chick with long brown hair. When she heard me walking into the room she turned and looked at me.

Umm. I don't think she's having a good day.

"Hi. I'm Spencer."

"Good for you." Damn it! I knew I was going to get a bitch for a roommate. That's just great. Right when I thought this year was going to be good.

I stepped away from her and I went to my side of the room. No need in trying to talk to her anymore.

"You stay on your side of the room and I'll do the same. As long as we do that then we will be fine." I sat on my bed rolling my eyes at her comment towards me and I could careless about talking with her during this year.

I finished up my room and then left to go check out the rest of the campus. I needed to make sure that I knew where I was going when classes start up tomorrow. I don't need to look like a lame ass and get lost on my first day.

Yeah that would go over so well for me.

The grounds were really beautiful. Trees covered alot of the campus and the buildings looked like they were here ages ago but I liked the feeling that the campus gave me. Like I could fit in here just perfectly.

"Excuse me can you tell me where Room 217 is?" I stopped a guy who was tall and built. Kind of cute if you ask me. He smiled at me and then responded.

Typical guy when it comes to a girl.

"Yeah actually it's in that building right there and it's on the second floor. So is this your first year?" Here comes the questions. Like he cares or something.

"Yeah it is. I'm a Junior."

"Same here. I stay in Decans Hall right over there." Why did I want to know where he stayed for? I swear sometimes I wonder about the male gender. Are they really that dumb or does it just come naturally.

"Oh ok. Well thanks for telling where the class is. I have to get goin-"

So then I was cutt off by my fabulous roommate coming up to us.

"Hey baby." She wraps her arms around his arm pulling him close to her and all I wanted to do is gag at the way she was acting. I guess I should get use to it right.

She looked towards me as if she didn't understand why I was standing in front of them when I was here first. But I shouldn't be shocked with that right.

"Why are you talking to her for?" She glared at me and I wanted to smack her right there and then. She was really starting to piss me off.

"Come on Madison, she's new. I was just helping her find her way around here."

So her names Madison. Interesting. Bitch is more like it but I guess I'll go with Madison.

"Whatever. Are you coming to lunch or not?" Madison rears her ugly head.

"Yeah. Well it was nice to meet you-" He paused. He didn't know my name.

"Spencer." I said as I reached out my hand to shake it but Madison pulled him away from me. Typical.

"Well it was nice meeting you Spencer. I'm Aiden." He yells out as he's being dragged by Madison. Damn that girl had some major issues. She needs someone to put her straight because she is already bugging the hell out of me and it's only my first day. Just imagine a whole damn year with her.

xxxx

For the rest of the day I walked all around the campus and ate in the dining hall. The food was actually ok for a private school. I thought the food was going to be horrible but I was wrong. It was good. At least I know I won't starve here.

That evening I sat in my dormroom online chatting with Kaylee. She's my bestfriend back home and let me tell you that it was hard saying bye to her but she already knew my plans long ago so it wasn't as if I sprung this on her at the last minute. Kaylee knows everything about my life and she's an awesome person. So we vowed to chat almost every night, like at home and call when we needed to talk to eachother. Of course I agreed to all of her terms just so I could come here without her. She's hilarious.

**Princess21- So how does it look over there? **

Kaylee was asking me all of these questions about the school.

**Dreamer18- I love it. Everything looks so beautiful. **

Wow I don't sound cheesy at all.

**Princess21- Lame! LOL. Is there any hott guys? **

Now that's the real Kaylee for you. Always stuck on the guy issue.

**Dreamer18- Yeah there's a few around here. But you already know that I'm not going to worry about that while I'm here. **

**Princess21- You need to get SOME Spence. **

I swear she was killing me with all of this talk about having sex. Just cause she's free willing to give it out doesn't mean that I am.

**Dreamer18- Ughh! Just drop that subject. I'm trying to concentrate on school Kay. I don't need complications here. I already got a bitch of a roommate. I don't need anything else. **

**Princess21- Ur roommates a bitch? OoooH Interesting! Sucks to be you. **

I could not believe her at all. She was literally to much for me.

**Dreamer18- Whatever u say Kay. I'm going to go and get some sleep. Night. **

**Princess21- Love ya bitch. **

**Dreamer18- Luv ya too! **

**Dreamer18 Signed Off **

I closed my computer and I laid on my bed looking up at my ceiling. Tomorrow is going to be better. Well that's what I keep telling myself that is.

xxxx

_**Beep Beep Beep**_

My alarm went off at 6 in the morning.

"Shut that shit off!" That would be Madison. I think she's a morning person.

What do you think?

I got out of bed and I sat there trying to regroup before I went to get into the shower. I have a hour before I have to get to class. So I need to move my ass if I want to make it to class on time.

I grabbed my stuff and heading down the hall to the showers.

Once I got in there the stalls were already taken.

Note. I need to get up earlier so I can grab a shower before everyone else.

"Ash move your ass before we're late for class." A brunette stepped out of one of the showers. I stood by the mirriors waiting for her to grab her things and then she looks over towards me.

"Hey aren't you the new girl?" Gees is that like going to be my new name or something.

"Umm yeah. I'm Spencer."

"Ashley the new girl is out here." The brunette shouted towards the other stall.

No that's not getting old at all.

"I'm Kyla. My sister Ashley is in the shower." No more then 10 seconds later another brunette stepped out of the showers. Her hair was up in a messy bun and she was really pretty. Actually both of the sisters were pretty. They must come from some good genes. Like me.

Hahaha. I swear I'm not concieted. I just know who I am.

Ashley looked towards me and as if she was checking me out she then averted her eyes towards her sister.

"Let's go." I hear Ashley say to Kyla. Maybe she's not a morning person as well.

They both left the bathroom and I hurried my ass up and took my shower.

xxxx

I made it!

Man I didn't think that I was even going to get here on time.

I grabbed a seat in the back because I hate sitting in front of a class that I don't even know. I'm sure these kids know eachother pretty well but for me I was barely even getting use to my roommate. And shes a hand full.

"Ladies and Gentle please take your seat and we will begin our lesson."

"Wait, wait, wait!" Here comes the chicks that I met in the shower. Hmm that sounds bad huh.

"Kyla and Ashley. It's the first day of class and your already late. I see that you are starting off the school year just like the last couple of years. Please tell me that this won't be a continuing thing for the rest of the year."

"Of course not Mr. Harris. I'll be on time for now on." Ashley smiled at him and I just watched it all. Hopefully this teacher isn't that stupid to believe that. Even I can tell that she ain't telling the truth.

Kyla took the seat next to me and Ashley sat on the other side of her sister.

"So we didn't get to talk earlier. Where are you from?" Kyla whispered towards me while making sure that Mr. Harris didn't see us talking. I seriously do not need to get into trouble on the first day of school.

"Ohio." I kept my eyes on the teacher.

"Interesting. I would of pictured you a Texas girl." Texas? Where the hell did that come from? My accient isn't that bad. At least I don't think so.

"Nope. Ohio."

"Sounds good. Hey Ash Spencers from Ohio just like use." They were from Ohio? Damn what a small world. I looked over at Ashley for a second and she wasn't looking at me but I turned my attention back to the teacher and I hear her say something to Kyla.

"Cool." This girl needs to work on her talking skills. At least I was friendly enough to make a conversation but all she does is keep to herself. Oh well theres no need to have two Madisons in my life right now. I'm fine with no friends. I don't need them here because I wasn't going to be hanging out with people anyways. I have to much to do this school year.

**(A/N:Kind of boring I know but at least Ashley showed up hahaha!! Anyways It's just starting out so I'm trying to build up to things. So please stay near and wait for my next chpt!! Please!! Thx again for the reviews...they make me smile!! Laters!)**


	3. Chapter 3

Once again thanks for all of the reviews...you guys are all so awesome to take time to read my FF and review as well!! thank ya!

Heres a chpt for ya!

Enjoy!

**Live. Laugh. Love. **

Classes were lovely.

I seriously enjoyed all of my classes. I thought that I would hate them in some way but it turns out that I actually liked them.

Although homework is a bitch. As if we've been in school for a month they load us up with nothing but work. All these school projects are about to kill me.

Oh well I guess. There's nothing I can do about it of course. I just got to do the work and stop crying like a baby.

xxxx

I was sitting in the dining hall eating my dinner while listening to my Ipod. I still haven't gotten around to talk to many people which didn't really bother me all that much.

"Hey!" I looked up and Kyla was sitting right in front of me. I took my ear plugs out and turned the Ipod off.

"Hey." I responded back.

"Why are sitting by yourself?" Because I have a thousand friends but I thought I would ignore everyone of them today.

"I haven't really gotten to know many people yet." I looked down at my food and continued to eat.

"Then come over to our table and eat with us." Our table? I sat there not really knowing if I should join her. I guess I don't want to be a bitch like Madison now.

"Alright." I grabbed my stuff and made my way over where Kyla was sitting. Ashley and some other girl was sitting there talking. Of course they stopped as soon as I walked up to the table.

Please don't stop on my account.

"You guys this is Spencer. I told her she can sit with us whenever she wanted to. Spencer this is Chelsey and of course you already know my sister Ashley." Chelsey smiled big and Ashley just glanced at me and then looked back down at her book. I don't think she likes me much.

I sat down at the table and Chelsey started asking me questions.

"So Spencer tell me about yourself?" Hmm about myself. What is there to tell?

"I'm from Ohio. I have two brothers and a dad. Umm I'm 17 and I plan on going to Princeton after Banton."

"That's cool. Ashley is applying there as well. She hopes she gets her acceptance letter this summer." Wow she was applying there too. Man it definitely is a small world.

"So your a Junior Ashley?" Ashley barely looked up at me and shook her head yes. I swear I didn't understand her at all. Maybe there was something wrong with her with talking but then again she was talking with Chelsey with no problems when I walked up to the table.

I looked down to my food and I finished up. It was clear that Ashley didn't want me around so I wasn't going to intrude on their dinner any longer then I had to. So as soon as I was finished with my food I started to get up from the table.

"Where are you going?" Kyla asked me.

"I'm just going to head to the library and get started on my work for class." I put my note bag on my shoulder and grabbed my tray.

"Are you sure you don't want to hang out here with us?" I glanced at Ashley and then looked back at Kyla.

"Yeah I'm sure. I'll just catch you guys later. It was nice meeting you Chelsey." Chelsey smiled and then I was on my way without even so much as a goodbye to Ashley. Girls like her bug the crap out of me. I just don't know why it bugged me so much. I was actually getting use to Madisons bullshit talk so that didn't bug me but Ashley and her attitude problem made me mad. I can see if I did something to her but damn I don't even know her.

Forget it.

xxxx

The library was kind of quiet that night with only a few students in the corner of the library talking. More like whispering because the library lady was a tyrant. I swear if you made so much as a peep she would be on your ass like nothing. It was kind of funny if you think about it but I definitely wasn't going to test her out that's for sure.

I sat there reading one of the papers that I was given for the project that was due next week for Chemistry and right when I hear someones voice I look up to see Ashley walking into the library with a friend.

I went back to my work and didn't pay attention to anyone else that came into the library. I put my ear buds in and listened to my music while reading.

Time went by realy quickly and I knew that I had to grab the book that I needed for the project before the library closed for the night. So I got up and made my way down the aisles of books when I stopped in the Chemistry section when I see something that I probably wasn't suppose to see.

Ashley and her friend kissing against the book stacks. I so did not want to see that. They must of heard me walk by them because they broke apart from eachother fast and Ashley looks at me with big eyes. Like I just caught her doing something that she knew she shouldn't be doing. Personally I could less who she prefered but I could tell that she cared.

After seeing that public display of affection I decided to grab the Chem book tomorrow and made my way out of the library.

Why did she look like I just caught her in a lie or something?

I didn't get it at all.

I grabbed my stuff off of my table and was about to head out of the library when I hear my name being called out. Considering there ain't many people who know me here it had to be Ashley calling my name.

"Spencer!" She was finally in front of me on the top of the steps of the library out side. The night had a chill to it that made me shiver in some odd way.

"It's not what it looks like?" Umm ok. Sure it doesn't look like you were making out with a girl.

Why would I care anyways?

"Why are you telling me this for Ashley? I don't care."

"I'm sure you don't but I wasn't-. We weren't-" I swear this girl could not form words at all.

Then I understood where she was going with this all. No one knew that she was gay.

Hmm. Interesting.

"Ohhh I get it. No one knows that your gay?" I almost had a smile on my face but I knew that would not make the situation any more better then what it was.

"I'm not gay!" She quickly looked around because that last word she said pretty loud. She was irrated with me.

"So your bi?" I figured I would keep on asking questions to get the truth out of her because apparently no one else knew the real Ashley.

"I don't know what I am ok. I just know that no one knows and I would like to keep it like that." I knew what she was talking about. I hated when people would get into my business when it was none of theirs.

"It's none of my business who you like Ashley so your secret is safe with me." Ashley looked at me for a second not saying anything. As if she was trying to determine whether or not to believe what I was telling her.

"You can trust me." Ashley shook her head ok and walked back into the library.

Man it's only my second day and I'm already mixed into lies at this school.

Talk about trying to be a over achiever

**(A/N: Short I know but I liked ending it at that point for some odd reason hahaha! Yep if you haven't noted yet I'm weird hahaha! Anyways tell me what you thought? Is it interesting...do you like it? All that good stuff ok. Thx again!!)**


	4. Chapter 4

Hey you guys...Im super tired and sore today!! My workouts are kicking my ass. Oh well enough of my crying...heres the next chpt and thanks so much for leaving the reviews!! Much appreciated!!

And to all of the thoughts and ideas I really love all of them I'm trying to think about how to use them in some way...soo thank you all for the ideas!!

Enjoy!

**Live. Laugh. Love. **

**Princess21- So you saw them making out? Wow that school is pretty interesting. **

I knew that I had to tell someone about the nights events but of course it could only be Kaylee because everyone around here can not know.

**Dreamer18- Yeah. It kind of threw me for a loop there but oh well. I don't care. **

**Princess21- Is she hott? **

Of course she would ask a question like that. It never fells that she would ask weird questions.

**Dreamer18- What! I don't know. I didn't even notice that. **

**Princess21- Yeah you did. That's why your getting all flustered over the subject. **

I offically hate her. No doubt about it.

**Dreamer18- I swear I don't know about you sometimes Kay. **

**Princess21- You love me! ;) **

**Dreamer18- Whatever. I'm going to bed. It's been one hell of a day. **

**Princess21- Goodnight. **

**Dreamer18- Goodnight Kay. **

**Dreamer18 Signed Off **

xxxx

That next morning in classes I sat there not really paying attention to anyone but the teacher when Ashley comes and sits next to me.

"You know you don't have to sit by me now that I know your secret." I told her because I was pretty sure that was the only reason why she would sit next me now. After ignoring me pretty much since I met her.

"I just thought that I would say hi. Is that a crime or something?"

"Nope. No crime but you do know this is the most you've spoke to me since I've been here and I think it's only because I'm hiding your secret for you." I looked over towards her. Of course at the moment the teacher caught us.

"Excuse me ladies is there a problem?"

Shit!

I looked over towards Mr. Harris and I shook my head no.

"Good. Now may I get back to my class." Mr. Harris went on with the class and I didn't bother to look towards Ashley for the rest of the time.

xxxx

Classes today were long and painful. Why you must ask. Because Ashley is in most of my classes and for some unknown reason she would continue to talk to me as if she was my bestfriend.

Talk about stalker status.

At dinner time I decided to skip and just hang out in my room and not even hassle with hanging out with anyone. I just want my own time to myself.

Is that being mean?

_"My heart is damaged, damaged, damaged, damaged and you can be my wonderful. How ya gonna fix it, fix it, fix it?" Danity Cane _

Kaylee put that as her ringtone on my phone when I told her that I was going to Banton for school. That was her way of trying to be funny about the situation. She was just to much for me.

"Hey you."

"Hey me" Kaylee and I always did that whenever we would answer the phone to eachother. I thought it was actually cute. But once again I'm a big nerd and I tend to think small things like that are cute. Anyways back to Kaylee.

"So what's going on?" I asked her as I laid on my bed wanting to close my eyes and fall right to sleep. Even though I know Madison would be in here in a hour arguing with Aiden. That's exactly what they have done for the last two nights. Talk about entertainment, but I wouldn't call it that tonight because I'm so damn tired.

"Just here thinking about things?" Uh oh. Something was wrong with her.

"And why are you thinking? You know that just makes you age faster." She started laughing in the phone because she knew it was true.

"This is not funny Spencer. Damn it!" There's the foul language which meant that it was really serious.

"Sorry babe. What's going on? Why so stressed?"

She was quiet for a second and I felt really bad now for cracking a joke at her expence.

"Josh just broke up with me." Of course when she said this I was jumping for joy because I hated the scum bag but for some unknown reason she loved the asshole. They had been dating since the beginning of summer and I never liked him to start off with. Of course I kept it to myself because I wanted to be supportive of her choices even though I knew they were wrong.

"He told me that he's been seeing Jennifer Russel." Of course he was because half of the football team was also seeing that whore. Damn this was wrong and I felt really bad that Kay got hurt in the process. Someone needs to castrate his ass.

"I'm sorry Kay but I think your better off without him."

"Spencer I loved him!"

"I know but obviously he didn't really love you if hes screwing Jennifer Russel. He's apparetly like the rest of the football team."

"I called you for support Spencer not to get told who I should or shouldn't be with. I thought you would at least tell me that I was going to be ok but I can tell that is just to much for you. So I'll let you go."

"Kaylee wait!" I tried to get out more but all I heard was the clicking of the phone.

Man she was pissed.

Ughh! Well I know I won't be talking to her anytime soon. When she gets mad at me she usually stays mad for a while. Of course I'm use to it but I've been depending on talking with Kaylee since I got here so not having her online now was going kill me.

I got out of bed and decided that I needed to go for a walk. This place was starting to bug me and I needed some air.

xxxx

The air felt great once I got outside. Dinner was probably being served but I didn't want to head into the dining hall right now. So instead I made my way towards the gates of the school. Maybe Frank will let me get off campus for a few hours.

"Can I help?" Frank was standing in his area. Gees he wasn't intimidating at all.

"Is it ok if I take a walk outside the grounds?"

"I'm sorry mame but no one is permited to leave campus grounds without approval from the dean." I was afraid he was going to say that.

I was about to say thanks anyways when I hear a voice behind me.

"Frankie let us go off ground for a hour. I promise we will be back before curfew." I looked at Ashley and she was looking at Frank. Frank stood there not sure of what to say to Ashley but he actually approved of me leaving, but that also meant that Ashley was coming off the grounds with me.

As soon as Frank opened up the gates we both ran threw.

"Don't forget. Be back before curfew." Ashley waved her hand and we were off grounds following the road.

It got really quiet after we were out and all I did was walk not really wanting to talk.

"So why did you want to get off grounds for?" Ashley was the first to make a statement.

"I hate being gated in and being inside of those gates had me going insane and I needed to go for a walk. Plus my Best is mad at me right now. SO that was another reason to get out." I looked over at Ashley as she continued to walk beside me.

"By the way, thanks for convincing Frank to let us out."

"No problem. Frank is like a uncle to me since I've been here and he lets me slide every once in awhile. I just try not to make it where it's all the time you know what I mean." I shook my head yes and we continued to walk down the path. The moon was beaming down on us and I was starting to feel much better that I was having this time out of the gates.

Even though we were both silent it was a good silence. I could tell that Ashley had alot on her mind as well.

"So how long have you been seeing your friend?" I know it came out of know where but I thought maybe she would want to talk about it since she really has no ones else to talk to.

She gave me a side glance and then looked back down at the ground.

"It's been 3 months. At the end of last year I started having these feelings and I didn't really know what to think of them but when I told Rachel how I was feeling she told me that she was feeling the same way. So we've been seeing eachother since then."

"So why haven't you said anything to your sister?"

"I want to alot but both Rachel and I are not ready to come out to our friends or family memebers so we have just pretty much kept this to ourselves. Well until you saw us yesterday."

"I'm really sorry about that Ashley."

"Nah it's ok Spencer. I kind of feel releaved that someone actually knows because it's been eating at me for the longest time. I know I can trust Kyla but I'm just not ready to put myself out there for everyone to judge me for being the person that I am."

"That's understandable."

Ashley was going through a hard time figuring her life out and I was at least glad that I could talk to her about everything that was running through her mind. I know how hard it is to not be able to talk to someone about something that is crucial in your life.

I knew that all to well.

"Come on lets go this way." Ashley grabbed my hand and I don't know what it was but I got the chills all of a sudden as soon as she took my hand into hers.

We walked forever it seemed but when we got there there was this big bolder. How random is this?

"This is random." I told her as Ashley released my hand and I quickly put my hands into my pockets and felt almost weird that we were holding hands for so long. I shook the feeling off and walked over to the rock.

"My mom went to Banton when she was my age and every graduating class puts their names on the bolder. See here she is." Ashley pointed the name and I looked closer to see the name.

Christine Davies.

"Wow there's alot of names on here." I started to look through all of the names when I spotted a name on there that shocked the hell out of me.

My mom.

"My moms on here." I blurted out and Ashley came over to me looking at the name.

"Paula Carlin?"

"Yeah that was my mother."

"Was?"

"She died giving birth to me. My dad had to make a decision to save my mother or me. Obviously he saved me and sometimes I hate that he had to make such a hard choice like that. I would of never asked him to make a decision like that and I wouldn't want him to either. I don't know. I didn't even know my mom went here. I thought my dad would of told me but he didn't. Instead he kept this information to himself."

We were both sitting on the ground against the boulder and I was talking to Ashley as if I've known her all my life.

"I'm sure that your mom would of wanted you born instead of living with it for the rest of her life thinking that she had killed her daughter. So don't hate your self over that Spencer."

We were silent for a few minutes and I broke it.

"Why were you so stand offish towards me when I got here?"

Ashley didn't say anything.

"Ok. I guess you don't have to tell me then." I got up from the ground and decided it was time to get back before Frank has a cow that we are gone to long.

"We better get back." I told her as she got off the ground as well.

"Yeah we better." Ashley walked in front of me and I was starting to get that cold shoulder from her again. What the hell is that about?

Whatever.

Enough of giving a damn.

I hate feeling like I did something wrong when I know damn well I didn't do shit.

**(A/N: Hey you guys...soo tell me whats running through your brains and give me the verdict...Do you like it?? Hahaha...well you know what to do...Please leave the love!! ;) **


	5. Chapter 5

Here I am writing up a storm and loving it...but I think I shouldn't say that to soon because I always get writers block towards the middle of the story and it bugs the crap out of me when I do soooo I'll keep my mouth shut and just write!! Hahaha. Sound good?! LOL

Thx for the comments!! Much Love to all!!

Enjoy!

**Live. Laugh. Love. **

That little walk outside of the gates was very interesting to say the least.

First Ashley and I were actually having a good conversation all the way up until I brought up the whole subject of why she was kind of rude towards me when I first got here. Of course it resoulted in her not saying anything to me the whole way back to the dorms.

Second. I found out that my mother went to the same high school as I am.

Of course that only made me want to know more about the whole subject so that following morning I gave dad a call.

"Hey honey how are you doing?" Dad answered the phone with a cheery voice and it was really good to hear him. I missed the whole family so much.

"I'm doing good dad but there's something I want to ask you."

"Ok shoot."

"Did mom go to Banton?"

Dad was silent for a second.

What is up with people shutting up when I ask them a freaking question? Damn talk about annoying.

"Dad."

"Oh yeah. Sorry honey I was spacing out here. What was the question again?"

Oh hell no. He was trying to get around it.

"Did mom go to Banton?"

"Yes."

"So you weren't going to tell me?"

"It's not that I wasn't going to tell you, more like your mother didn't want you to know that she went there."

Why the hell would she not want me to know that she went to Banton for?

"Why not?"

"Honey just go to school and not worry about any of that ok."

Ok this was starting to piss me off. My dad has never kept anything from me when it involved mom but now that I find out that she went here he doesn't want to say anything about it.

"But dad."

"No Spencer. Drop it!" That is the first time in a long time that he has raised his voice at me.

Shortly after that I got off the phone and walked to class. This was bothering the hell out of me and I hated it.

Today was not a good day for me.

xxxx

All class period I kept to myself and ignored Ashley the whole day. I didn't need to be bothered with her attitude and I sure as hell didn't it need it.

So every class period I sat up in front so I wouldn't have to worry about being bothered in class by her or anyone else. Then once class was over with I would dart out of there fast.

xxxx

Lunch time I made myself go into the dining hall to grab some food and just leave when Kyla stopped me.

"Hey Spencer." I wanted to tell her that I was not really in a great mood but I knew that she was only being nice to me.

"Hey."

"Is everything ok? You seem kind of out of it today and we just wanted to know if you were doing ok."

"We?"

"Yeah. Ashley and Chelsey wanted to know as well." I looked over towards the table and as soon as I looked their way Ashley put her head down towards her plate.

There she goes again.

"Yeah just great." I grabbed my food and was walking out of the hall when I saw Ashley walking out of the other door.

"Spencer. Spencer wait up please." How much I wanted to ignore her and keep on going. But I stopped and stood right there as she caught up with me.

"What's going on with you? Why aren't you sitting with us for lunch?"

Because I don't want to.

"I just want to be alone Ashley."

"Did I do something?"

It was my turn to be quiet.

Ashley stood there looking at me as if she didn't know what to think about me. I sure as hell felt the same about her.

With out so much as a word I turned back around and walked to my room. Ashley didn't say anything else to me for the rest of the day and I was kind of releaved about that.

xxxx

**Princess21 Signed In **

**Dreamer18- Are you going to talk to me? **

I waited a few minutes hoping that she would respond because I really wanted to talk to her. I totally missed her crazy ass.

**Dreamer18- Please! I'm so sorry about everything. You know I love you and want nothing but the best for you. **

**Princess21- You know I still hate u right? **

**Dreamer18- You love me. **

**Princess21- Idk. That's still in thought **

**Dreamer18- :( **

**Princess21- Shut up bitch you know I still love you. **

**Dreamer18- :P **

**Dreamer18- Good because I totally missed you! I feel like I'm going crazy over here. **

**Princess21- What do you mean? **

**Dreamer18- Dads keeping secrets from me about mom and Ashley is acting weird again. Idk. I'm about to lose it. **

**Princess21- First things first. Calm down and second is Ashley the one who was making out with that chick. **

Leave it to Kaylee to only remember that part of Ashley. I swear if it isn't entertaining then she won't care about the subject as much.

**Dreamer18- Yes. **

**Princess21- Then just forget her. There's no point in stressing over that. As for dad maybe he has a reason why he's keeping something from you. You don't need to stress over it Spence. Just go to school and do what you got to do. **

This is why she is my bestfriend. She knew how to set me straight when I'm lost in thought about alot of things.

**Dreamer18- When was the last time I told you I loved you? **

**Princess21- About 15 minutes ago but you know I love to hear it over and over again. **

Of course she does.

**Dreamer18- Ok babe I'm going to go. I have a bunch of work to do before the weekend. **

Not that I'm doing anything this weekend but still I wanted to get all of my work done so I could just chill afterwards.

**Princess21- Alrighty. I'll call you tomorrow or something ok. **

**Dreamer18- Sounds good. Ttyl **

**Princess21- You better believe it! ;) **

**Dreamer18 Signed Off **

xxxx

I sat outside the dorms that night listening to my Ipod. Dinner was being served but I wanted to stay clear of that place because I knew that the ladies would expect me to sit over there or something.

I had my head down most of the time that when I looked up there was a guy standing in front of me.

"Shit!" I jumped back a little trying to catch my breathe. This dude scared the shit out of me.

I pulled the ear plugs out of my ears and he was smiling the whole time.

"I'm so sorry for scarying you. I didn't realize you had your ear plugs in until I stepped up to you. I started laughing because I'm pretty sure that I looked stupid when I jumped back like I did.

"No it's ok. I wasn't paying attenion anyways."

I finally looked up at him and he was really cute. Dirty blonde hair probably a little bit taller than me and has some sexy ass dimples.

"I'm Jake by the way."

"Hi Jake. I'm Spencer."

**(A/N: Jake is in this story!! Hahaha...whether or not hes going to be a bad guy is still to be determined so stay tuned and let me know what you think of it all!! So please leave the love!!) **


	6. Chapter 6

Hey thx sooo much for all your love and reviews...its awesome to hear from all of you...thank you!! Well heres the next chpt...now remember things will be cleared up...just give it some time hahaha!!

Sorry yuo guys im in a hurry so I didnt have time to edit!! Forgive me?! PLEASE!!

Much Luv!

**Live. Laugh. Love. **

"So are you new here?" I asked Jake wondering.

"This is actually my first day. I got here this afternoon and I haven't seen my roommate since I got here so I haven't had a chance to check out the campus. Do you know where the dining hall is?"

Damn his smile sure did a number on me. He was totally cute. Hmm maybe Kaylee is right. Maybe I will find someone over here.

"Actually I do. I'll show you." I smiled towards him and I walked him to the dining hall.

"So are you new here too?" Jake asked me as we were walking to the hall.

"Yeah I got here a day before classes started. I'm still getting use to everything around here as well."

"Well it's good to know that there's some new meat other than myself here." I laughed at him comment towards new people when we walked into the hall.

"Yeah you can say that."

The hall was pretty loud that night.

What were they having for dinner tonight?

"Well here's the hall." I was going to leave and go back to my dorm but Jake caught my hand before I stepped foot out the door.

"Won't you have dinner with me?" I looked at his hand holding mine and he quickly dropped it.

"Sorry I didn't mean to grab your hand."

"It's ok Jake. Yeah sure I'll stay for dinner." Jake smiled big and we got in line to get food. I scanned the hall and I saw all of the ladies in the corner talking. I glanced towards Ashley and she was looking directly at me. I thought she would of looked away once I met her eyes but instead she sat there with hurt in her eyes.

What was that all about?

I turned back to Jake and I grabbed some food to eat. I didn't grab much but when I went to go pay for it Jake paid for it.

"Jake I can pay for my food."

"No I got it. Just call it paying you back for showing me where the dining hall was."

I shook my head ok and then turned around to find a seat. I was about to sit at a table when I see Kyla waving me towards them.

"Are those your friends?" Jake noticed them waving me over.

"Yeah."

"Then let's go sit with them." Ugh!

This was the whole reason why I didn't come into the dining hall.

We started walking towards the girls when Ashley got up from her seat and walked away from the table.

I watched her walk away but not even look my way.

I just got to ignore her and not even pay attention anymore.

"Hey you guys. This is Jake. He's new to the campus. Jake this is Chelsey and Kyla." Jake shook eachother of their hands and we sat down talking with them.

The whole time I was there listening to Jake talk about where he is from all I had on my mind was why Ashley had walked away from the table when I came walking over with Jake.

xxxx

The weekend came faster then expected and I was really happy about it. I just wanted to do nothing and get out of the area.

Apparently we are able to leave campus over the weekends is we needed to go the stores and get somethings if we needed them. Which meant I could get out and not have to worry about anything. Maybe there's a movie theater around here somewhere that I can venture over to and catch a few flicks.

"What are you doing this weekend?" Jake asked me while we were sitting outside the dorms reading our Chem book. I found out that Jake and I have Chem together so before class I told him what hes going to be needing to get caught up on.

"I'm just going into town and see if there's anything to do."

"Do you want some company?" I looked over at him and I thought he was cute.

"Sure that sounds good." Jake sent me a smile and I looked down at my watch and it was time to get to class.

"We better go."

xxxx

"Class I want you to be in pairs for this next project that we will be starting next Monday."

I sat there in my seat waiting for Mr. Horton to tell me who we could be partners with until he said that it was assigned.

Great. You got to love assigned partners.

"Jessie your with Tony. Lisa with Kaitlin. Ashley with Spencer."

Shut the hell up!

Can't I be with Jake on this project?

"Michael and Jake."

Well forget you Michael.

I didn't look behind me because I swear I could feel Ashleys eyes burning a freaking hole in the back of my head.

"You have this next half an hour to research your topics that I'm going to give you. Go a head and sit with your partners." I closed my eyes and I looked towards Jake.

"To bad we weren't partners." Jake said to me before I made myself in the back with Ashley.

You know I would of totally been fine with Ashley being my partner if she didn't act hella weird around me. Because I mean we talk like we are really good friends but then she acts like I did something to her and it bugs the shit out of me.

As soon as I made my way towards Ashley she gave me a smile and I did not know what to make out of it.

"Hey." She to me as I took Kylas seat while she made her way over to Patrick.

"Hey. So I thought you can look up online for some things and I can find some things in the library on our topic." I handed Ashley my paper that Mr. Horton gave me and Ashley took it from to write down some of the things she needed to look up.

"How's everything going?" I looked up at her and was shocked that she was actually trying to have a normal conversation with me.

"Ashley let's just get the project done ok." I looked back down at my paper and continued to get everything situated for when I go to the library.

"So are you and Jake seeing eachother?"

And where the hell is this coming from.

"No. We're just friends." I looked at her and I could see a smile on her face.

"How's Rachel?" I had a smug grin on my face but once I even mentioned her face expression changed.

"She's doing ok."

"How are you guys doing?" I wasn't going to stop. If she wanted to act weird around me then I was going to throw something back at her. It wasn't fair that she was hot and cold around me. I swear I wanted to talk to Kyla about her but I didn't even want to bring that whole situation up with her.

"We're doing good." Ashleys head was down most of the time and I just looked at her waiting for her to say something to me but she decided not to.

"What's wrong with you? Why do you treat me like I'm your bestfriend and then the next minute you act like you don't know me? I'm really getting tired of all of this Ashley. I thought we could be friends but apparently you don't want that so I think that we should just ask Mr. Horton to switch us partners." I got up from my seat and I went to go tell Mr. Horton I wanted a new partner when Ashley grabbed a hold of my arm.

"Maybe we should talk."

**(A/N: Sorry yuo guys I had to stop it there because my friend is picking me up right now so I have to go get ready hahaha!! Thx so much again for the reviews...remember...Leave the love!!)**


	7. Chapter 7

You know hearing from everyone puts a HUGE smile on my face hahaha! I'm a nerd like that...Anyways thx sooo much for reviewing...it means alot!! Much luv out there!!

Heres the next one because I know you all have been waiting hahah!!

Enjoy!!

**Live. Laugh. Love. **

Ashley and I went to her room after class and I stood there in the middle of the room waiting for her to explain herself because this all had to end. I was getting tired of all this crap she was putting me through. No one deserves to feel like crap when nothing was done to the other person.

"Explain yourself Ashley." Ashley stopped what she was doing because obviously she was really nervous.

Ashley sat down on her bed and then put her hands to her face.

She continued to sit there not even making an attempt to tell me what the hell was wrong which just made me more upset then before.

"Forget it Ashley. I gave you too many chances and you still don't give a shit so now its my turn not to give a shit." I turned around to open up her door when I was stopped by her arms and I was pushed against the door with a pair of lips firmly pressed against my own.

It was as if my mind went blank and I didn't know what was going on when it was all happening but as soon as I realized everything I pushed her off of me and we both stood there stunned at the event that just took place in her room.

Not so much as a word towards her I was out of that room. I could not believe that just happened. I ran out of there and down to my own room. I could hear my name being called after me but I didn't hesitate to look back or to respond to who it was coming from.

Ashley just kissed me and I was scared to death. So what the hell is this suppose to me?

She likes me?

Is that the whole reason she was quiet around me when there was other people around or how she would act jealous when Jake was around?

Son of a Bitch.

Why did she do this?

I don't need this shit right now but nooo I had to push it didn't I. I had to demand what the hell was going on with her. If I just stayed away from it then I would of been fine right now but instead I'm sitting against my door with my legs pulled up to my chest listening to Ashley bang on my door.

I could hear her crying. I could hear her pleading for me to open up the door so we could talk but now it was my turn to ignore her. It was my turn to hide from all of this because I was not like her. I was suppose to be working on school and not dealing with anything like this but instead I'm lost at words. I don't know what to think about all of this.

xxxx

I sat in my room for hours that day and didn't even make an attempt to come out due to the fact that Ashley could be near. I didn't want to see her right now.

"Why the hell are you in here with all the lights off?"

Oh Madison is just so sweet.

"I just want to be alone right now."

"So I heard Ashley and you had a big ass fight today." Where the hell did she hear that from?

Ugh! Little schools and big mouths.

"It's none of your business Madison so let's keep it that way."

"Someones in a pissy mood." I looked up at her and I was really not in the mood to deal with her shit.

"And it's about time I am because your ass has been pissing me off since I got here! So don't be shocked if you see this side of me more often!" I opened the door and I left the room. I'd rather face Ashley then have to deal with Madisons skanky ass.

I made it outside and sat on the steps of Trenton Hall. Uhh I need to get out and do something. I grabbed my cell and called Jake. Maybe he's done with classes so we can go into town.

"Hey Jake."

"Hey Spence."

"So are you done with classes today?"

"Yeah I just finished my last class and I was heading over to the dining hall to get dinner. You want to join me?" No. Ashley will be there.

"How about we catch dinner in town tonight? My treat." I tried to throw that in because I thought maybe it would persuade him more to come out with me.

"How about it's my treat and we make this our first date?" Wow he's asking me out.

I smiled at his offer and I said yes. Jake is a sweet guy and I could see myself with him. As soon as I hung up the phone I sat there waiting for Jake to come and get me. I rested my face in my hands trying to deal with everything that was thrown at me today and I really didn't know how too.

"Spencer." My body tenced up. Ashleys voice rang through my ears.

I looked up and Ashley was standing in front of me. Her eyes were red and it made me feel bad that it could of been because of my actions towards her earlier.

"I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry that I kissed you. I shouldn't have done that but I also didn't know how to tell you that I liked you. I was scared Spencer. You scare the hell out of me and at the time I just went for it. I just let my actions speak louder then my words." Ashley took a step towards me and I stood up and moved away from her. Ashley froze and I saw so much hurt inside her eyes.

I hated being like this. This isn't the type of person that I am but I also don't know how to deal with all of it.

"You know I'm sorry for kissing you." Of course she said that low because someone started coming out of Trenton Hall.

"But I'm not sorry for liking you Spencer." Ashley walked away from me just as Jake was walking up to me. Ashley turned to look at me as Jake greeted me with a hug. I closed my eyes and hugged Jake tight. See this feels right.

xxxx

Jake and I took the bus into town and the bus driver told us that we had until 9 before the bus stops. Of course that gave us three hours to have dinner and do whatever I guess. I wasn't really sure what was in town so we were just going to explore and see what we find.

We were walking down the street and Jake grabbed a hold of my hand and I thought it felt good. Of course out of nowhere my mind started to wander back when Ashley grabbed a hold of my hand to lead me to the boulder that I found my mothers name on it. That feeling of having Ashleys hand in mine had scared the shit out of me and now with the kiss I was confused in so many ways. There was so much that has been brought to me this week that I feel like I'm going to explode with everything.

xxxx

"Is something wrong?" Jake asked me as soon as we found a restuarant to eat at. It was a small diner that I thought felt like home so we made a good choice.

I was looking down at my hands not really paying attention to him because I had someone else on my mind.

Damn it Ashley.

"Does it have to do with Ashley?" I shot my head up with his blue eyes looking back at me. Damn those were some sexy eyes.

"We just got into a arguement that's all."

"She's kind of weird. She's always quiet." Hearing Jake say that about Ashley really bugged me.

"She just doesn't like talking with people she doesn't know. It doesn't make her weird." Damn did I get affensive?

"Sorry didn't mean to make you mad. Are you guys ok?" I looked down at my hands. I quickly shook off the feeling and decided to ignore it all and go on with the night with Jake. There was no need for me to act like this with him. He was a really nice guy and I wanted to get to know him better.

"Enough about Ashley. Tell me what makes Jake tick?" I gave him a devilish smile and I saw him blush at my comment. He was so cute.

**(A/N: Hey you guys...not sure how I feel about this chpt but that's just me and I always tend to be like that with my writing...anways tell me what you thought of it and be sure to leave the love!!)**


	8. Chapter 8

Thx so much for all the comments...they give me insight to what to write next and give me ideas for coming chpts!! So thx once again!!

Heres the next chpt!!

**Live. Laugh. Love. **

Jake and I had a great time in town eating dinner and then just getting some ice creame. We talked about our lives all the way up to now and it felt good to just talk about things. I didn't bring up my mom because I didn't feel a need to bring that up.

We caught the last bus to school and when we got back Ashley was heading out of Trenton Hall with Rachel. At least she was with Rachel and hopefully everything is working for them. I want to see Ashley happy. My thoughts were cut short when I noticed we were already up to my building.

Jake still had a hold of my hand lacing our fingers together as I smiled at him doing so.

"I had a great time tonight with you. I definitely want to do it more often."

"Yeah I had a good time too. Thanks for dinner and ice creame afterwards."

"Anytime. Anywhere. Any place." Jake took a step towards me and I could feel my heart race in my chest knowing exactly what was going to happen.

Jake grazed my ear with his mouth and his warm breathe made me close my eyes shut. Of course when I did this Ashleys face popped into my head. My eyes shot open and I had Jake looking at me as if he did something wrong. Without any hesitation I grabbed a hold of his face and I kissed him. Jake didn't hesitate at my actions. He kissed me with so much passion that it made me feel bad that right at this moment I was only kissing him because I was scared of maybe having feelings for Ashley.

No! I can't have feelings for Ashley. I won't have feelings for her. We are friends and nothing else.

xxxx

**Princess21- So you made out with him? Damn girl your getting more action than me right now. **

**Dreamer18- Kaylee concentrate please. I'm feeling weird about this whole thing. I don't know what to do next. **

**Princess21- Go for it. If you have feelings for him then go for it. He sounds cute to me and I know you wouldn't set yourself low so I say take advantage of the hott guy you have in front of you. **

I wanted to tell her about Ashley. I really did because I knew that I had to talk to someone about it but I didn't know how to bring it up or if she was going to freak when she finds out. I know Kaylee loves me as a sister but damn this could freak anyone out. Than again she is a freak and probably would be jealous. I swear that girl could have gay tendancies sometimes. I never know with her anymore. She's a nutt in a half.

**Dreamer18- Please tell me that you're going to come and visit me soon because I totally miss you and I need you. **

**Princess21- Does a month away sound good to you? **

Well if that's the only time you can come then I guess it sounds as good as time as any.

**Dreamer18- Is that the only time you can come? **

**Princess21- Yeah. School has me swamped and I'm trying to make sure that my senior year is a good one you know. Besides I don't need anymore F's on my report card other wise mom will kill me. **

I laughed at her comment. I knew that Kaylee had to do good her Senior year. She messed up to many times her sophmore year that it put her behind but over the summer she caught up and now she has to get good grades on her report card to graduate. Told you she was a handful but I love her no matter what.

**Dreamer18- Alright woman. I guess I will see you in a month. I love ya. **

**Princess21- Love you too biatch. **

**Princess21 Signed Off **

xxxx

That following morning I was in the library bright and early. One, to stay the hell away from Madison. Two, I had to get the project done even though Ashley and I had to work on it together but right at this moment I wasn't really in the mood to approach Ashley on anything.

I walked up to the counter to ask for some help so I could find some books when Rachel comes right up to me.

"Hey did you need help?"

Did she work here?

"Uhh yeah. I need to get some books on my project."

Rachel came around the counter and started walking towards the aisles of books. So I just followed her while she kept on talking to me.

"So is this the project you and Ashley are working on?" Ashleys been talking about me?

Talk about alittle awkward.

"Yeah."

"Is Ashley meeting you?"

"Uhh no I just thought that I would get a head start on it." Rachel turned around towards me and then stopped at the area I needed.

"The books are down there to the left." She looked directly at me as if I did something to her.

"Thanks." I told her as I started to walk down the row.

"I know she likes you." I froze.

Gawd please don't let her know about Ashley.

I turned around to look at her with a confused face.

"What are you talking about Rachel?"

"I can see the way she looks at you. I'm not stupid Spencer."

Shit!

Why was I pulled into this?

I don't like drama and that's all I'm getting here.

"I don't like her like that Rachel. She's just a friend to me."

"I really hope it stays like that Spencer because I love her." Wow this was hurting a little more then what I was planning on.

"Nothings going to happen."

Besides the fact that your girlfriend already kissed me and she hasn't told you yet.

Rachel walked away from me and I leaned against the bookcase trying to make sence of all of this even though I knew that none of it was making any sence at all.

xxxx

I've been in the library for the last two hours and I'm so ready for a nap. Why I got up at 7 in the morning was beyond me but I got most of the project done so I didn't have to worry about the rest of it until later on.

Just as I was walking out of the library Ashley was walking inside.

I was just going to walk on by but I knew that I would have to say something about the project with her.

"Umm I got most of the project done this morning. Here's what I haven't done yet so if you want to finish it today then great but if not then I can finish it tomorrow." I didn't look Ashley in the eyes because I knew she was looking directly at me.

"Is there something wrong with me now?"

What did she mean by that?

"I don't know what your talking about Ashley."

"You didn't even tell me that you were working on the project this morning. Is there something wrong with me? Can you not work with me?" She was bombarding me with all of this when I didn't even say anything like that.

"What? No! It's not even like that Ashley. I just wanted to start the project early. I didn't want to bother you with getting up early. That's all. I don't think anything bad about you and for you to come out and say that is nothing but bullshit."

"What do you expect me to think Spencer? I know that I brought alot of things out yesterday but I didn't think that we would stop being friends at least."

"I didn't say we weren't friends!"

"Yeah well that's how it feels."

"Think whatever the hell you want Ashley." I left her standing there not saying another word to me. I thought that I was doing a good thing with explaining everything but instead I get bitched at for something that wasn't even the truth.

**(A/N: Hey you guys...wats going on?? Hows everyone doing?? Hopefully great...alright well tell me what you thought of the chpt...totally would love to hear from you all!!)**


	9. Chapter 9

Thank you, thank you, thank you!! Ur reviews are awesome hahaha!! Well heres the following chpt!!

Enjoy.

**Live. Laugh. Love. **

The rest of the weekend was pretty good. I spent most of my time with Jake. We actually fit pretty good with eachother that when we hang out I feel at ease with him.

Sunday morning Kyla came over to my room to talk to me. This is how that conversation went.

_"Hey. Come in" Good thing Madison wasn't here because I was really getting sick of her telling who can hang in the room or who couldn't. I swear if she pushes me anymore I'm going to make her wish I wasn't her roommate. _

_Hahaha. That would be really fun. _

_"Sorry for bugging you but I just wanted to talk with you." _

_"Nah your not bugging. What's going on?" _

_I sat on my chair at my desk and Kyla sat down on my bed. _

_"What's up with you and my sister? Because yesterday she came into my room ranting and raving how you were not the person she thought you were. Did you guys get into a arguement or something?" _

_Ugh. Nothing but drama. _

_"She got mad at me because I started the project without her. She thought that I didn't want to be her friend or something like that. It wasn't that big of a deal but she took more out of it. We're still friends but I just think that she took the situation to far." _

_Kyla laughed to herself and I was glad to see her laugh instead of the worried face she had on when she walked through the door. _

_"Yeah Ashley can take things too personal. I was just making sure that you guys didn't have it out with eachother because we're all friends. That would suck if you guys had a problem between eachother." _

_"Yeah that would suck." I looked down at my hands and I thought of when Ashley kissed me. That caused alot of problems but I pushed it a side because I knew nothing was going to happen. _

_"Ok well I just wanted to make sure that everything was ok. Hey later on we are going into town for dinner do you want to come with us?" _

_Considering Ashley and I still aren't on good terms I don't see that happening anytime soon. _

_"I'm going to have to pass on that. Jake and I are going to hang out here." _

_Kyla stood up and smiled big at me. Gees, could her smile get anymore cheesier? _

_"Riiiigggghhhhtttt...Jake. How's that going? You guys have been spending alot of time together." _

_She was hilarious. _

_"We are good thank you." _

_"So are you guys official?" _

_"Not that I know of. I think he wants to be though." _

_"Well why haven't you said anything to him?" _

_Because of your sister. _

_Did I just say that? _

_Damn it! _

_"I don't know if I want a commited relationship right now. I have school to concentrate on and I don't need to get thrown off course you know." _

_"Good for you. You don't need strings attached. Just have fun while it lasts you know." I laughed at her comment and Kyla left. _

That was my morning and now I'm here in my room listening to music while finishing up the last of my homework that I have for my math class.

Did I tell you that I hate math?

Because I do with a passion. Don't get me wrong I get some good grades but damn I have to work my ass off just to get those grades.

Enough about my hatred towards math.

As I was talking with Jake on the phone someone knocked on my door and it scared the shit out of me.

"What's wrong?" Jake asked me because I think I yelped in his ear.

"Nothing just someone knocking."

"Who's that at 11 at night?" That was a really good question.

I knew that it wasn't Madison because she said that she was staying with Aiden in his dorm. I swear if they get caught there will be hell to pay with the dean. I would love to see that.

"Hmm I don't know. I'll call you back ok."

"Are you sure you don't want me to stay on the phone?" I laughed at how cute he was being.

"I will be ok Jake. I'll call you back. Bye."

"Bye."

_Knock knock knock _

This time it was louder. Maybe I should of had Jake stay on the line with me.

I'm such a chicken now.

"Who is it?" I asked before I opened the door.

"Spencerrrrr." Ashley?

I opened up the door quickly with Ashley falling straight to the floor.

What the hell?

"Ashley. What's going on? What's wrong with you?" I leaned down to help her up but she was like a dead weight. I could smell the alcohol from her clothes. She was freakin drunk.

I quickly dragged her in and closed the door after me. She is so lucky she didn't get caught.

"Damn it Ashley. Why are you drinking for?" I asked her as I was lifting her up so she could lay down on the bed.

"Wachell wanted tooo dwink. Sooo I did." She smiled at me and I could not believe this.

What was Rachel thinking about getting Ashley drunk? They can both get into alot of trouble and get kicked out of school. I was pissed.

I walked over to my dresser and I grabbed something for her to wear. All her clothes smelled of alcohol and I didn't want her to get into trouble.

"Ashley help me please. Take your shirt off and put this one on." Ashley smiled big at me and I could not believe she was thinking something else at this moment.

"I knew youu wanted too seee meee nakedd."

"Not really but you smell like alcohol and I don't want my bed to reek." Her smile went away because she saw the serious face I had.

Ashley sat up and started to take off her shirt. I sat there looking at her black lacey bra with her toned abs. I was dazed for a second when I hear her talking to me.

"Youuuu can take aaa picture if youuu want." I handed her the shirt and got off the bed.

Why does she put me in these situations with her?

I was beyond pissed with everything right now and all I wanted to do was sleep.

I grabbed a pillow and a blanket and laid on the ground.

I tried to close my eyes as soon as my head hit the pillow but I couldn't sleep. Ugghhh!

"I'm sorry."

Of course you are.

"Go to sleep Ashley. I don't want to talk about this."

"I want to break up with Rachel." I closed my eyes tight and I could not believe she just said that to me. What did she want me to do? Did she think that I would come to her after she did it?

"What are you doing Ashley? YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND! You need to stop this shit! If you were with me would you cheat on me too?" Don't ask me where that question came from but it just came out. Of course right after I said it I wanted to take it back.

Ashley tried to get up from the bed but she failed and fell back.

"I wouldn't do tthat! I prromise!"

"Whatever."

"Shit! Spencer talk to me." Gees she was sounding more sober. I knew she wouldn't let me sleep if she was in the room with me.

"What? What is there to talk about?"

"I want you Spencer." I looked at her dead in the eyes and tears streamed down her face.

"Your drunk Ashley. Just go to sleep and we can talk about this tomorrow."

"No we won't because your going to say the same thing to me tomorrow. You know I don't even know why I bothered to come here in the first place." Ashley started to get off the bed and move to the door but of course she went face first to the floor again.

"Damn it. Ashley your drunk you don't need to go anywhere. Just sleep it off." I got off the floor and helped her up onto the bed again. This time there was alot of hesitation on her part.

"Just leave me alone. You don't give a damn." She shrugged me off her arm but I kept on helping her even though she didn't want it.

I got her back into bed and I sat there looking at her pissed off.

Why did I give a damn?

Ashley caught my stare and looked right at me.

What was I getting myself into?

I got off the bed and laid down on the floor.

Silence filled the room and I was glad for that because I really did not know what to say to Ashley anymore.

She wanted something that I couldn't give her.

**(A/N: Soo they had alittle more interation here?? What did you think? Give me thoughts and be sure to leave the love hahaha!!)**


	10. Chapter 10

Soo I'm having a long day today but I just wanted to get a chpt up for you guys...hope you like...once again much love for all the reviews!! Thank you!

Heres the next chpt!!

Enjoy!

**Live. Laugh. Love. **

Shut up! Shut up!

I got up quickly and I found myself on the floor.

What the hell am I doing down here? It all came back to me. Ashley was drunk last night and came to my damn dorm because her damn girlfriend got her drunk.

Why didn't she just stay with her then?

Ugh.

I reached up to turn my alarm clock off and I looked down at Ashley. She was sleeping with a smirk on her face and her mouth slightly open.

She's kind of cute.

Ugh you got to stop this Spencer.

I got my clothes and went down the hall to the showers to take a quick shower before classes started. I should of got Ashley up before I left but I'm sure that she ain't going to be to happy when I tell her that we have class.

I stood in the showers which felt like forever. I swear I had the weight of the world on my shoulders and it was weighing me down. I hate feeling like this. I just want to go to class and have my friends. Not worry about people maybe hating me or other people falling for me.

When I stepped out of the shower Ashley was standing there in front of the mirror.

I did not hear that bathroom door open.

Ashley glanced at me through the mirror and I looked directly at her. What was I suppose to say to her?

"Thanks for helping me last night. I'm sorry if I caused you any trouble." Ashleys face was down towards the sink telling me this and I had the urge to hug her.

Is that bad?

"Why did you get drunk? You know you could of got caught last night Ashley."

"I know. Rachel wanted to have some fun and I just wanted all my thoughts to go away."

"What thoughts?"

"Of you." We both look up at eachother and hearing that from her made my heart hurt.

This sucks.

I quickly looked down and I started to walk towards the door.

"It didn't work." I stopped before I walked out. She continued.

"I tried everything but nothing gets you out of my head Spencer. I know you don't like me but I can't help how I feel about you."

I turned around to look at her with the towel wrapped around my body.

"I'm sorry Ashley. I'm sorry." I quickly walked out of the bathroom and I made it to my room.

xxxx

I was late for class but when I walked in Ashley wasn't in there. I kind of figured she wouldn't be here in the morning. I'm sure her hangover is pounding right now.

"Hey did you see my sister last night? She was with us at dinner but then she went to go hang out with Rachel." Kyla leaned over to me while we were working on some paper for class.

I didn't want to tell on Ashley so I told Kyla that I didn't see her.

Class went on and when it was over with I walked to my next class but I was stopped by the one person that I was hating the most right now.

No not Madison. Even though she's definitely at the top of the list.

Rachel.

"Where's my girlfriend?" I thought she didn't want to be out. She said that pretty loud there.

"I don't know Rachel. Shouldn't you know that?" I gave her a dirty look at walked away not wanting to be by her right now.

"I know you know where she is. She went to your room last night didn't she?"

"Rachel you need to stop this shit alright. Whatever you're thinking isn't going on. Ashley and I are just friends and it's going to stay like that. If you have a problem with that work it out with Ashley, because I'm getting tired of this shit." I turned back around to leave.

I was so done with all of this.

xxxx

"Let's a movie in your room tonight?" Jake and I was sitting in the dining hall that evening with the girls. Ashley hasn't showed her face at all today for classes. She must of been feeling horrible to not come to all of her classes.

I looked down at my food and was picking at it because I wasn't that hungry.

"Hey you with me?" I looked up at Jake and gave him a smile.

"Yeah sorry. A movie sounds good to me." Jake kissed the top of my head and I leaned against his shoulder.

What the hell was wrong with me?

I swear Ashley won't get out of my head.

Maybe a movie tonight with Jake will be good. It will get my mind off of Ashley and onto Jake. Jake is a sweet guy and will do anything for me.

xxxx

"What movie do you want to watch?" We ended up going back to Jakes room because when we got back to my room Madison and Aiden were in there. Lets just say that I was not going to have a double date tonight with them. That's a big HELL NO!

"What movies you got?"

"Hmm lets see. Transformers, Spiderman 3, 30 Nights of Days, all the Bourne Movies."

I swear typical guy movies there. He needs some new movies that's for sure.

"Let's watch Transformers." He smiled at me and put the DVD in. I sat back on the bed against the wall. Jake came over and sat next to me taking my hand in his. I looked down at his hand and I looked up at him. His face was inches away from mine and made it even less as we sat there.

The next thing I know we are kissing. It started out slow and he was treating me good but then he started leaning me against the bed. I didn't mind making out but I started to notice that he wanted more. His hands were going under my shirt and then it landed on my belt.

"Jake maybe we should watch the movie." I told him as he was kissing all along my neck.

"Mmmm you taste so good Spencer." I tried to get out from under him but he was to heavy for me. He wasn't letting me go anywhere.

"Seriously Jake we need to stop." I started to push against his chest for him to stop but he wasn't listening to a damn word I was telling him.

His hands were everywhere that it was really starting to scare me.

"JAKE!" I screamed.

"Shut the hell up!" Jake slapped me clear across my face and I was now in shock he just hit me. This asshole just slapped me and he thinks he going to rape me. He has another thing coming. So I did what any girl would do to get out of a situation like this. I kneed him in the growing.

"Ugghhh!" Jake rolled over off the bed and onto the floor. That son of a bitch was not going to take advantage of me. I got off the bed and before I got out of that room I looked down at him and I kicked him in the stomach.

"That's what you get for thinking you can take advantage of me. Stay the hell away from me!" I left the room and I got the hell out of the dorm.

I could not believe that just happened. He was not going to let me get up. He hit me clear across my face which still hurts like a bitch but I wasn't going to worry about that right now. I just want to go to my room. As soon as I got outside something hit me. Something made me feel sick to my stomach. I leaned over to the bush and I threw up. Of course following that the tears started. I didn't want to cry because that wasn't me. I know I act like I can be a tough ass but I'm far from being one.

I stood there by the bush leaning over making sure that I was done with being sick and then I felt a hand on my back. I jumped up fast at the touch and Ashley was standing there. Ashleys face expression changed in a second of seeing my face. I quickly whipped my face of tears and then flinched at my touch againt my mouth. He hit me pretty good.

"What the hell happened Spencer? Why are you crying?" Standing there in front of her made me have so many thoughts run through my mind. I didn't want her to know about Jake. I didn't want anyone to know what he did to me or even attempted to do to me.

So instead of explaining myself I told her there was nothing wrong.

"Your lying." Ashley stepped in front of me stopping me from leaving.

"Just drop it Ashley. I don't feel well that's all."

"Then why is your lip bleeding?" Ashleys eyes were furious and I knew exactly how she felt.

I just want to put it all aside and move on.

That's all I want.

Ashley took a step closer to me and I had nowhere to go. I was backed against the bush wanting to get away but something told me that I shouldn't run anymore.

Ashley grabbed a hold of my hand and I didn't deny her touch.

xxxx

Frank let us out of the gate that night and I was really glad. A walk would do me some good.

Ashley never let my hand go the whole way out to the boulder. As soon as we got there I sat down on the ground bringing my legs up to my chest while wrapping my arms around them. Ashley stood in front of me pacing back and fourth. I know she wanted to ask me a hundred questions why I was acting the way that I was but she seemed like she wanted to cool down first.

No more then 2 minutes later she was sitting in front of me looking directly at me.

"Can you please tell me what happened tonight Spencer."

Everything started to replay in my head and I sat there with my mouth shut along with my eyes.

"Jake and I were sitting in his room about to watch a movie." I paused to regain my composure.

"Well we were just having a good night all together and then he started to kiss me." Ashleys head shot down to the ground apparently liking the fact that I was telling her all of this.

"I didn't think that anything was going to happen like this." My voice started to crack and Ashleys face shot back at me. Like she was trying to figure out what had happened or if she really didn't want to know.

"Jake started to get aggressive. He wanted more." Ashleys eyes started to water along with mine.

"I told him to get off of me. I told him to stop!" Ashleys mouth was clenched together in anger and I knew exactly how she felt.

"When I yelled at him to stop he did but only for a short time to tell me to shut up and then he slapped me." Ashley shot up from her sitting spot and continued to pace back and fourth.

"Did he rape you? DID HE?" Tears were falling like nothing down my cheeks and Ashley was in front of me in seconds.

"Shhh Spence. Shhh. I'm sorry." Ashley was whipping my tears away and compared to Jakes touch it felt really good.

"Now tell me Spencer. Did he rape you?" Her voice became soft and mellow for my benifit. I shook my head at her with my eyes closed tight.

"He tried to but I kneed him and I left the room after kicking him in the stomach." Ashley drew a smile on her face the first time that night and I think I liked it so much more better then when she's mad.

We sat out there for the next hour not really talking. Instead Ashley held my hand and I leaned my head on her shoulder. I could of sat there forever.

**(A/N: Nice guys never stay nice. Aint that the truth. Well all the ones I've run into that is. OK well tell me what you thought of this chpt!! Be sure to tell me how it is because I want nothing but the truth! Soo please leave the love!!)**


	11. Chapter 11

**Thx so much for all the love!! I really appreciate everyone's reviews it makes me SMILE!! Hahaha...anyways heres the next chpt!**

**Live. Laugh. Love. **

Ashley brought me back to my room and stayed with me until I feel asleep that  
night. I told her that I felt so much better with her near and that was the  
truth. She gave me comfort to know that she was near me at times. Maybe that's  
why she is always on my mind when we weren't around each other.

xxxx

I missed my first period class that morning because my alarm wasn't set so  
instead of hearing my annoying alarm clock I heard my annoying roommate.

Hmmm I wonder what time Ashley left last night.

"I don't care Aiden. You said that you would go with me this weekend to meet  
my parents and you are going!" She's so freakin demanding it makes me sick.

I rolled over to look at my clock and I new that I was late for my first class  
so I just got ready and made my way to my next class. I was walking down one of the corridors and a girl was looking at me as if she knew something about me. Then another guy looked me up and down checking me out.

What the hell was going on?

Out of nowhere Kyla comes up to me with Chelsey and I knew that something was  
going on.

"What happened last night?" Kyla was looking at my mouth and saw the swollen  
lip. Yeah I checked that sucker before I left the room and it looked pretty  
good. Of course I was going to play it off and say that I was clumsy or  
something. I don't need anyone else knowing about last night. Ashley was all I  
can handle right now and even I didn't know if I would be able to not go up to  
him and say something.

"Nothing really. Why?" Kyla pulled me to the side of the hall away from everyone.

"Jake is telling everyone that you guys had sex last night." My mouth dropped  
and I was beyond pissed.

"What! We didn't have sex!" I was heated and I knew that I had to clear this  
up. Instead of standing there and talking to Kyla and Chelsey more about it I  
was on my search for Jake. He was not going to get away with this and I will  
make sure of that.

It took me a few minutes but I caught him talking with some guys before he  
made it into his next class. I grabbed his arm and swung him around.

"Why are you spreading lies for? I DID NOT SLEEP WITH YOU!" I had a lot of  
spectators looking at us and I did not care one bit.

"It's ok Spencer you don't have to lie. You know you liked it." Jake laughed  
at the guys and the guys started laughing like they were his side kicks or  
something. What a bunch of morons.

"Listen to me Jackass you either set the story straight or I'll go up to Dean  
Marshall about what really happened." Jake continued to laugh.

"There's nothing to tell other then you like it rough." Right at that moment I  
slapped him clear across the face and with a reaction from him, his fist came  
flying to my cheek.

I went down to the ground but soon enough after that Jake was tackled to the  
ground from Frank. He must of heard about the commotion and came over to see  
everything. Which I was hoping he saw everything because I wanted his ass out  
of this school.

Kyla and Chelsey helped me up to my feet and let me tell you my head was  
hurting a whole lot more then last night. I thought his slap was hard but damn  
that fist to the face almost did me over. I looked around at everyone and I  
saw Ashley in the crowd. I could see the hurt in her face and I knew that she  
didn't do anything because of everyone around. Ashley was still scared of  
coming out to everyone which meant that she stayed under the radar when she  
needed to.

How can someone have a relationship like that?

Doesn't she get sick of hiding from everyone?

Hiding from herself?

xxxx

I had to go up to Dean Marshall after that whole scene and I had to tell him  
about everything that happened last night as well. He wanted the whole story  
so I was going to give him the whole story.

"Are you doing ok Miss Carlin?" I had a ice pack on my cheek making sure that  
my cheek doesn't swell.

"I'll survive."

"Can you please tell me everything that happened?"

"Last night Jake and I were in his room watching a movie."

"Miss Carlin you know you aren't permitted to be in the boys dorm rooms at  
night."

"Yes sir I know. We were just going to watch a movie but then we started to  
make out. That wasn't really anything because I guess we are kind of seeing  
each other. So it was both consensual at the time but then I noticed that he  
wanted more from me. His hands started to roam my body and then he went for my  
belt to take it off."

Dean Marshall looked like he felt uncomfortable at the moment when I was  
talking about this and I wanted to laugh so hard. Good thing the secretary was  
sitting in the corner taking everything down that I said.

"So what happened after that?"

"I told him we needed to stop. I didn't want anything like that to happen. He  
didn't listen so he kept on doing what he was doing. I tried to push him off  
of me but he wasn't listening to a word I was telling him and then I yelled  
for him to stop. Without any hesitation from his part he slapped me across the  
face. That's where I got this swollen lip. So I did what I knew would get his  
ass off of me."

"Language Miss Carlin."

"Sorry sir. So I kneed him in the groin. I had a chance to leave and so I did.  
Then this morning I found out that he was telling everyone that we had sex  
last night. Of course I go up to him to confront him and tell him to tell the  
truth other wise I was going to get you involved and he continued to say that  
we did have sex. He said something to me and so I slapped him and with his  
reflexes he punched me in the face."

I took a deep breathe after telling him everything that happened and he was  
writing down something on his piece of paper.

"Well I'm glad to see that you are doing ok. We have expelled Jake from the  
school and he will be going home today. We also called your father up and told  
him everything that happened to you recently. If you need to take a week off  
from school to deal with everything happened here then you are permitted to do  
so when your father gets here."

I could not believe he called dad. Now I was going to have to explain  
everything to him when he gets here. Shit!

I left his office a few minutes after that and was stopped by Ashley as soon  
as I walked out. Now she wanted to make an appearance. I stood there knowing  
that I shouldn't be mad.

"How are you doing?" I crossed my arms in front of my chest and stood there.

"I could be better."

"Can I do anything?" Ashley would not drop my gaze.

"No. I'm just going to lay down and wait for my dad to get here."

"Your dads coming? Are you leaving?" Her face looked like she was hoping I  
would say no that I wasn't leaving.

"Dean Marshall said that I could take some time off to regroup with everything  
that happened here."

"I don't want you to go Spencer." Ashley went to reach out to me but I moved  
back.

"You might not want to do that Ashley. There are people around." Ashley's face  
dropped and I left her standing there not saying anything else to me.

I suck I know it, but there was just so much in my head right now that maybe I  
did need to get away.

This is still the first month of school and I've had a lot thrown on my plate,  
and now I feel like I'm going to drown.

xxxx

"Why didn't you call me after this happened?" I called Kaylee that night after  
I was feeling up to talking about everything and she was mad that I didn't  
even say anything sooner. I swear I can't please everyone.

"Sorry Kaylee but I was keeping to myself about everything and at first I  
didn't even want to bring it up. I hated that I got myself into that situation  
you know."

"But I'm your best friend. You're supposed to be able to tell me anything.  
"I know and I'm truly sorry."

"Are you doing ok at least?"

"My face is sore but other then that I'm doing ok."

"I swear if I was there I would have beat the shit out of him." I knew she  
wasn't lying either. She would do anything to anyone who tried to hurt me in  
some way.

"I know Kay. I wanted to beat the shit out of him too but something told me  
not to keep doing it. He hit me pretty good and it hurt like a bitch."

"You know what I'm coming to visit in two weeks ok. You need me there and it's  
been way to long already since we've seen each other."

I was so glad to hear that she wanted to come sooner. I needed my best friend  
here. I really missed having her to talk about everything that was going on  
with me. Yeah I know that we have the computer and the phone but it's not the  
same as when you are there with the person.

"Sounds good Kay. I can't wait to see you."

"Me either. Now take care and call me when your dad leaves ok. I want to know  
everything that goes on." I laughed at her and I told her I would do just  
that.

We got off the phone and shortly after that I got a knock on the door.  
I opened the door and Jessica was standing there. She was the dorm monitor for  
all the girls on the level.

"Hey Spencer. Your father is waiting downstairs for you." I shook my head ok  
and I then made my way downstairs.

This was going to be fun.

**(A/N: Yeah I know it kind of ended retarded but I just thought I would stop there. Sorry if it's to short but I need to get some things done over here at work hahaha...trust me I'd rather be writing!! Anyways tell me your thoughts and leave the love!! Thx!)**


	12. Chapter 12

First off I would like to apologize about not having any chpts up this weekend but I've probably had the most things going on that has made it hard to do anything.

1st I'm sick so that kills my attitude to write...2nd my computer crashed and that wont be up for awhile so I wont be able to post anything until I get to work. Yeah this weekend totally sucked but yeah I thought I would share my good news with all of you.

Other then that thx so much for the reviews...I kno this story doesnt have like a whole plot as to where its going to end but right now I'm kind of just writing and seeing where it ends up...im keeping it open to see how it ends u know...soo thx again to everyone for sticking by me.

Much love.

**Live. Laugh. Love. **

Dad was sitting in the chair when I walked down there and as soon as he heard my voice he shot out of his chair. I was engulfed in two big arms.

"It's so good to see you honey. Are you ok?" He had me at arms length now looking at me and he focused on my face. That's exactly what you want your dad to see when he comes to see you. A swollen lip and a bruised cheek. Every girls dream.

"I have a meeting with Dean Marshall about all of this tomorrow morning." Dad was pointing to my face I knew exactly what he meant.

"How are you?" I looked at him and I just shook my head telling him that I was ok. Of course I felt worse but I wasn't going to let him know that. Instead I played it off.

Dad hugged me tight again and it seemed like he didn't want to let me go. I felt bad that he had to come all the way over here about a situation like this.

"I'm sorry dad." I finally let something come from my mouth. He looked at me confused like he didn't understand why I was apologizing for all of this.

"Spencer this was not your fault. You do not need to be apologizing for any of this. I'm just sorry that you had to go through this." Dad grip got tighter and I thought I was going to lose air.

"Dad I can't breathe." He finally let go and we both drew smiles on our face.

"Why don't we go and get something to eat in town." I shook my head ok and we walked outside to dads rental car. Apparently he flew here so it wouldn't take as long as it did when we drove here with all of my stuff. I was hoping to see my brothers but they had school so I wouldn't expect them to miss any of that.

I was about to get into the car when I spotted Ashley and Rachel walking towards Trenton Hall. I looked at her for the longest moment but instead of saying anything I got into the car and dad drove away. I don't know why all of a sudden I was feeling jealous of Rachel but I was.

xxxx

I've been waiting in this chair for the last hour waiting for my dad and Dean Mashall to end their meeting. What the hell are they talking about other then event that happened yesterday? I sat there tapping my foot looking at everything on the wall in the office trying to focus on something but nothing was working.

Finally after a million years.

Ok I know I'm exaggerating just a little there. Oh well.

I stood to be greeted with a big sime on dads face and Dean Marshall in a smile as well. Gees they acted like they were bestfriends ok something.

Talk about odd.

"You want to go for a walk honey?" Dad asked me and I looked at Dean Marshall and then back to him.

"Umm yeah. That sounds good." Dad and I left the office and made our way outside. I took a seat on one of the benches under the trees and he sat down next to me.

"How are you doing today?" Dad asked me.

"I'm doing better today." He shook his head telling me he knew what I meant.

"Dean Marshall said that you could come home for a week if you would want to. So you can think about whether or not you want to keep coming here."

Wow he was talking about maybe taking me out. I didn't know that he might be doing that.

So many thoughts were running through my head and I couldn't just leave here. I wanted to finish Banton and then go on to Princeton. I wouldn't be happy if I didn't continue to go here. That's when she popped into my head.

Ashley.

Lately things have been ok for us. Like we've been able to talk about things but I still get this weird feeling when I'm around her and I don't know exactly what to make of it. Minus Kyla and Chelsey Ashley has been there for me. I know that she cares but sometimes I'm clueless on everything. It's bad enough that Rachel hates me but if Ashley broke up with her she would automatically point the finger towards me and all hell would break loose.

"I think I'm just going to stay here dad. I'm going to be fine. You know me I'm as tough as nails." I threw him a small smile so he would understand.

"I know you are but I still want to know that your going to be ok with everything Spencer."

"I know dad. I know." We both sat there in silence not really saying anything to eachother but I knew that it was both ok with us.

I looked up because I felt someones eyes on me and when I raised my head I saw Ashleys eyes staring back at me. I waved for her to come over and so she made herself over to us.

She had the cutest smile that it kind of threw me off guard for a second.

"Dad this is my friend Ashley. Ashley this is my dad." We all stood up and my dad shook Ashleys hand.

"It's really nice to meet you Ashley."

"You too sir."

"Oh please call me Arthur. I hate feeling older then what I am." I watched Ashley the whole time they were talking to eachother and I could tell from my dad that he liked her.

Like father like daughter.

Did I just say that in my head?

Uh oh.

xxxx

Dad left the school not that much later and I was still sitting outside with Ashley.

"How have you been?" Ashley was making her attempt as to talk to me.

"I guess ok. You?"

"Not that great." I looked over at her wondering what was going on with her.

"Why?"

"I hate myself that I didn't do anything for you. I wanted to run up to Jake and kick the shit out of him but I knew that there was tons of people around."

"It's fine Ashley Frank was there to handle him."

"I know but I still should of done something."

"There's no point of hating yourself. It happened it happened. Just forget about it." I think I had attitude there. I stood to my feet to walk back to my room when Ashley stayed by myside.

"Are you mad at me?"

"Why would I be mad for Ashley? There's no point of me being mad."

"The fact that I said that I care for you and didn't do anything for you."

"Just drop the issue Ashley. I really don't want to talk about it anymore."

I made my way into Trenton hall and up to my floor not saying anything else to her but I could feel her on my heels. As soon as I walked in Madison was there.

Ugh! If the day couldn't get any better for me.

"I heard about everything that happened with you." Madison blurts out.

"So."

Right at that moment Ashley walked in after me. Madison stopped talking and then looked at Ashley.

Uhh could there be anymore tension in this room?

"Please do not tell me you are friends with _her_?" Madison looked over to me finally after giving Ashley a dirty look. Which totally made me mad to hear her say something like that towards me about Ashley.

"Madison it's none of your business who I lik-" I paused and corrected myself hella fast there.

"I mean who I'm friends with." Oh my god. I can't believe that I just said that. I had both Madison and Ashleys eyes on me. My chest was starting to tighten and I couldn't breathe in that room.

"Wow you really need to cut off on the coffee Spencer because your starting to scare me." Madison grabbed some of her things and then left the room after nudging Ashley away from the door.

I wonder what's going on with that.

I looked away from Ashley hoping that she didn't catch what I just said. I continued to work on cleaning up my stuff and I felt Ashleys hand stop me from working.

"Did you just say what I think you just said?"

"No." We were inches away from eachother and I definitely could not breathe.

Nothings going to happen.

Nothings going to happen.

Something happened.

I kissed her.

**(A/N: Hey you guys I'm really sorry for the delays and everything I hope you liked the chpt! It's short and everything but I wanted to get something up for you guys. I won't have any time to write until tomorrow so...hopefully I'll have one up tomorrow as well. But yeah tell me what you thought and feel free to be blunt I don't care...right now my head isn't all there so I could see if you didn't like the chpt! Thx again for everything.)**


	13. Chapter 13

Hey you guys...im just sitting here about to start this chpt and it might turn out short but I don't have long to type and I want to get it up for you guys...sooo hopefully you enjoy it and forgive me.

Thx again for all of the reviews!

Sorry no time to edit! Forgive me!

**Live. Laugh. Love. **

It was as if I didn't care about the consequences that I knew where going to come. Something was telling me to go for it and then there was this other part of me that was screaming don't even go there but I went there. Oh yeah did I ever go there.

We've been standing here kissing for the last minute and my brain is going all over the place and I don't really know what to think about this all. I slowly backed away from Ashley with my hands still on her cheeks and she was looking at me as if she was the happiest woman alive.

Gees I knew I was a good kisser but damn. I must be REALLY good.

Hahaha.

Ya ya. I know I'm concieted in some ways. OK maybe alot of ways but that's totally beside the point.

The point right now is the fact that I just kissed Ashley and I didn't want to stop. I didn't know what to make of it. I didn't know how everything was going to work out. I didn't know much of anything right now.

That's not good huh.

I sat down on my bed and Ashley sat next to me. She grabbed a hold of my hand and laced our fingers together.

"Do you regret kissing me?" I could hear the quiver in her voice afraid of what I was going to tell her.

"No but I do feel bad." I let go of her hand and I looked up at her eyes and I could see the tears start to for in her eyes.

"Why?"

"Rachel." I stood to my feet and stood by my desk trying to give us some room because all I was thinking was that I wanted to keep on making out with her.

Ashley stood to my side in a second with her hand on my arm.

"I want to be with you Spencer."

I turned to her and I could of easliy said screw this and not even cared about Rachel but I wasn't that type of person. I hate drama and that is all I have gotten since I got here and I'm hating it all to much.

"Rachel loves you Ashley and even though I don't want to think it you guys make a good couple."

"WE make a good couple Spencer!" Ashley put her hands on my face and brought towards her so I was looking right at her.

"I don't want to be without you." I closed my eyes because it hurt to see her in front of me with so much pain in her eyes but I knew that I would hurt someone else more then what was going on now if I continued this with Ashley.

"I'll be here Ashley but not like that. Not like you want me. Rachel deserves for you to be honest with her and I know that she really loves you. And even though you might not admit it now you love her to." Ashleys hands dropped to my face and she slowly moved away from me.

"I should go." I hear her voice reach my ears and I could hear her crying underneathe her breathe.

xxxx

I didn't stop Ashley that afternoon when we were in my room from leaving and part of me wishes that I did because I miss her.

It's been two weeks since I've talked with her. I see her in class but she doesn't look towards me anymore. Instead she pays attention to school and to Rachel.

I should be glad right?

Well I don't feel that way.

Instead I feel like I made the biggest mistake of my life.

xxxx

That friday night there was a party going on in town at one of the kids parents house from campus and alot of the school was invited. You know those rich kids who think that they can do whatever they want to do. Well that's Tyler Wilson for ya. He's the richest kid on campus and at least 4 times a year he throws these really big ass parties at his condo his parents have near town.

Kyla and Chelsey want me to go but I haven't really been in the mood to do much with anyone. I tend to just sit and do homework in my room.

I sound like a whole lot of fun huh.

You know you want to be my friend.

xxxx

I was finishing up the last of my homework that night while most of everyone had already left to the party. Of course it was only a hour away so everyone had to catch a ride with everyone who had cars on campus. Yeah those would most likely just be the seniors. They have way more priority on things then we do. Yeah sucks for us.

Just as I was going to head out to go get something eat from the dining hall someone was at my door.

I opened it up to find the biggest bitch known to man.

Kaylee!

She stood there with a bag in her hands and the biggest smile you have ever seen.

"Damn are you just going to keep on standing there? No hi. No nothing." That's my bestfriend for ya. I went to her and hugged her so tight. I was so glad that she was here.

Finally.

It's been way to damn long.

"What are you doing here? Why didn't you tell me you were coming this week? Oh my gosh you look."

"Calm down Spencer! Damn are you on something?" I stopped and looked at her.

Of course she started busting up laughing. She sure knows how to crack herself up.

"I swear I hate you."

"You love me now stop trying to pretend." A smile spread across my face and I was super excited to have her here this weekend. Kaylee grabbed her things and walked into the room.

"So this is the place that you've been locked up in. Nice."

She is such a liar.

"Liar."

"Yeah I know. I suck. Actually this place sucks."

"Kaylee it's a room just deal with it. I have and I'm happy with it. Of course not with my roommate but I've been able to avoid her most of the time."

"It's Madison right?"

"Yep. Miss Queen Bitch herself."

"Hey that's my title!" I laughed at her and we both knew that was the truth of it all. Kaylee was a mean one and how we stayed friends for so long was beyond me but it never really bothered me as much as it did everyone else.

"So what's going on around her tonight? This place looked dead when I drove through the campus."

"Yeah everyone is at Tyler Wilsons party tonight."

Kaylees eyes lite up and I knew I said the magic words.

"Let's go!"

"I don't know Kaylee. I wasn't really in the mood to go to a party."

"Well I'm here now and you have to entertain me. Which means we are going to that party. Now get your scrawny ass up and get ready. We are going to have some fun tonight."

xxxx

Kaylee got me out of the dorms and we took her car to the party. So glad she had something that we would be able to use to get out of the school this weekend because I did not want to stay on campus.

The music was loud and everyone was at the party when we pulled up.

The house was kind of out in no mans land but I guess that is good when you are trying to have a party and there is no one around to complain about the music or people around.

I was dressed in a short jean skirt and a white halter top that Kaylee made me wear. I swear she was like trying to whore me out or something.

Kaylee wore her skinny jeans with a black halter top. That woman lives on halters or something.

We walked into the house and I got a few heys here and there as walked through. Most of them I was in classes with so it wasn't as if I didn't know anyone there and then I see Kyla and Chelsey. I grabbed a hold of Kaylees hand and brought her over to the girls.

"Hey! Spencer you made it." I shook my head yes and then I started the introductions.

"You guys this is my bestfriend Kaylee from back home and Kaylee these are my friends from school Kyla and Chelsey." There was some hellos and head nods. This was a good sign considering that Kaylee had a biug prob with most girls. As in she hated them all. Yeah don't ask me but she was really picky with her friends and who she hung out with.

Kaylee grabbed a drink.

"We need to dance!" Kaylee screamed so I could hear over the music.

"You know I don't like to dance."

"Exactly why you are getting your ass out there. Now let's go." She grabbed a hold of my hand and we walked into the living room with the rest of people and then started dancing.

I looked at Kaylee as she was having a good time and I was just trying to not make myself look like a big ass in front of my school. So instead of giving a damn I decided I needed to be more like Kaylee and have some fun.

Kaylee and I were having a blast drinking and dancing all night. We were acting like a couple of idiots but it was the most fun that I have had in a long time. I really needed this.

Of course all was ruined when I see Ashley helping Rachel through the living room. From the looks of it Rachel was plastered.

No shocker there.

Ashley caught my eye and stopped where she was at. Rachel looked up at Ashley and then looked over towards where she was looking.

Right when she saw me all hell broke loose.

"Well look who we have here! It's Spencer. The one who Ashley loves the most." Rachel was loud she was being stupid. Ashley was trying to shut her up but she kept on pushing her away.

"You know it's true Ashley. You love Spencer more than me. That's why you don't act the same anymore. That's why you can't even tell me that you love me."

"SHUT UP!" Ashley yelled so loud that the music stopped and we had everyone looking at us now.

Kaylee was looking at me with such big eyes that I didn't even know what to do right now.

"Why don't you tell everyone about us Ashley! Why don't you tell them that your in love with a girl."

"Your drunk Rachel now shut the hell up!"

"It's ok. We're out now. You don't have to hide anymore."

I looked at Ashley and she had tears streaming down her face and I wanted so much to comfort her at that moment but I was also shocked at everything that was going on at the moment.

Then you hear it. You hear the one thing you would not want to hear at this very moment.

_Dyke. _

I guy yelled it from across the room and with that everyone started laughing. Everyones voices started to ring through the room with laughter and talking about Ashley.

Ashley took one last look at me before she ran out of the party.

I watched her run and I felt so much pain that I didn't even know what to make of it all.

I looked over towards Rachel and I was mad.

"How the hell could you do that?" I was in Rachels face wanting to slap her but I knew that she would go down to the ground in a second if I even touched her. She wabbled back and fourth with all the liquor was in her right at the moment.

"She doesn't love me anymore! She loves you." Rachel started crying and I really didn't give a shit anymore about her. That was messed up what she did to Ashley and anyone who had a heart would know that.

I turned to Kaylee and she still stood there with her mouth open trying to digest everything.

"Can you please take me to find Ashley?" I asked her and Kaylee hesitated for a second but then shook her head ok.

I needed to find her.

I needed to make sure she was ok.

I just needed her.

**(A/N: Ok so tell me what everyone is thinking. I would love to know. Sorry it's short but I'm trying to get this out for you guys! Be sure to leave the love as well!! Thx again)**


	14. Chapter 14

Hey you guys thx for everything...comments...thoughts...ideas!! They mean alot so thank ya!! Here comes the next chpt like promised!

Sorry no time to edit!! Forgive!

Enjoy!

**Live. Laugh. Love. **

I got out of that party as soon as I could and Kaylee was right behind me. Of course as soon as we got outside she grabbed a hold of my arm and turned me around to face her.

"What the hell is going on? Why was she saying all of that stuff about Ashley? Why were you in the middle of it all? Are you guys together?"

She was throwing so many questions at me that I didn't even know where the hell to start.

I was still a little unsure of everything that has been going on as well but there was one thing that I knew that I wanted was to be with Ashley.

There hasn't been anything that I have been as certain as knowing that I wanted to be with her.

"Can we please talk about this after we find Ashley?"

We had to find her because I needed to make sure that she was doing ok.

Kaylee looked at me as if she wanted to protest and wanted to know everything right at that moment but I wasn't going to budge on the issue at hand.

To find Ashley.

Kaylee and I got into the car and went driving back towards the school. She had to be on this road. I would glance back at Kaylee a few times and I could see that she had a straight face. I knew that she was pissed that I had kept all of this from her and now that she comes to visit everything comes out all at once.

"I'm sorry that I didn't tell you anything about this Kay." Kaylee kept quiet for a second but then she finally said something.

"All you had to do was tell me Spencer. I'm your bestfriend and you know I don't give a shit about anything. You are who you are and I love you for it but it just kills me that you couldn't trust me with all of this."

I guess she was right about all of this. I would be hurt if Kaylee had kept something like this away from me. I mean I better even realized all of this lately that it's not like I was going to bust out at that moment what I was feeling.

Things take time and I was going to need exactly that.

Time.

"I promise you that I didn't mean to keep this away from you. I'm still trying to deal with what exactly this all is you know. Trust me this has not been a lifetime thing for me and I just didn't say anything."

"You know I did see you check me out that one time we coming out of the pool."

Oh. My. Gosh.

She did not just go there.

"You stupid ass liar!" We both started laughing and it felt really good to laugh at this subject.

"I knew you wanted me."

"Shut up you whore. I don't want you! I want Ashley."

"Sorry babe. I don't share." I hit her on her arm and our laughing started to go until I saw Ashley walking along the road.

"Kaylee right there. Pull over"

"Go get your girl." I turned to Kaylee and gave her a smile. I liked that thought a lot.

As soon as the car stopped I quickly got out and Ashley turned around towards the car to see who it was and right at that moment I saw her tear stained face. It really hurt to see her like that.

Ashley kept on walking away from me.

"Ashley please wait." I ran after her and grabbed a hold of her arm to stop her from going any further from me.

"Spencer just leave me."

"No Ashley I am not going to leave you alone." We were face to face at that moment and I wanted so much to wrap her into my arms. So I did exactly that.

As soon as I had my arms around her she gripped onto me tight crying into my shoulder.

"I'm so sorry Ashley. I'm sorry that you had to go through that infront of everyone." Ashleys crying got worse and I knew that all of this was going to be the toughest on her. She was just outted by her girlfriend in front of most of the school and if they weren't all there then they would all would of heard about it by Monday morning.

One thing that I did know was that I was not going to leave her side. I was going to go through this with her.

I kissed the top of her forehead.

"Come on let's go back to the school and deal with this together."

I looked at her and she stood there whipping her eyes.

Ashley took my hand and we got into Kaylees car.

"Ashley this is my bestfriend Kaylee and Kaylee this is Ashley."

Kaylee turned around to see Ashley in the back and I watched her the whole time.

"It's nice to meet you Ashley. I'm sorry about all your shit getting spread like that at the party. You know if you want me to go back and kick your girlfriends ass I'm sure Spencer would join me in doing it."

Ashley and I started laughing and I loved hearing her laugh in my ears.

"I might keep you on your promise." Ashley said as she sat there looking right at me.

"Alright. I'm here all weekend so just say when."

"Kaylee just drive back to the school please." Kaylee smiled and winked at me before she started to drive back to the school. She was such a nutt that I sometimes didn't even know what to say to her.

xxxx

The dorms were quiet that night and I was really glad for that because of everything that happened tonight I didn't want anyone say shit to Ashley. She just needed to deal with all of this on her own time and hearing rude ass comments from dicks at the party was not going to help her at all.

Kaylee went back to my room and I told her that I would be there in a second. Of course when I told her that I was going to walk Ashley back to her room she made some sexual comment to me.

'Don't do anything I would do.' So that pretty much means that I couldn't do anything because this whore has been around the block one or twice. Probably even more now that I've been away from her to make sure that she wasn't doing to many people.

Hahaha.

I love her though. That will never change.

I was standing in Ashleys room while she was looking for something to wear for bed.

Then of course she started to change in front of me. I was standing there looking at her and her very toned body but then looked away as soon as she noticed that I was looking. I knew she had to of known that I was looking at her because I know that is exactly what she wanted from me.

She wanted a audience of one.

I had my head down knowing that I was blushing at the fact that she caught me looking at her change. The next minute I feel her hand on my shoulder. I looked up and was greeted with a big smile on her face.

"I wish I could have you stay here tonight."

I swalled so hard that I think the people down the street heard me. Ashley made me so nervous at times that I didn't even know how to handle her.

"Yeah. I wish I could to." Ashleys nose than did this cutest thing. It had a sexy ass crinkle and it made me go weak in the knees. Could she be anymore hotter.

Nope.

Without so much as another word I was kissing her. I was kissing her like I've wanted to for the last two weeks everytime I would see her with Rachel. I put so much passion into it that I heard a moan come from her mouth as I kissed all the way down her neck loving the feeling that she gave me when she was in my arms.

How do you ever let something like her go?

You don't!

Ever!

I started to notice that we were starting to lean down on her bed and I stopped right there. This could not go any further tonight.

Trust me I would love to have every feeling inside me explode but tonight was not the night.

Everything is still so complicated and they needed to be worked out and Ashley knew that.

I care for her a lot and I want to make sure that she is ok with everyything else before anything goes any further with us.

"I better go."

I saw a pout spread on her face and it was so adorable.

"Don't worry we will see eachother tomorrow." A smile slowly crept onto her face and it made me smile as well.

Damn I was falling hard. Really hard.

"Goodnight Ashley." I kissed her lips softly.

"Goodnight Spencer." She returned my kiss and I walked out of the room down to my own.

Man I was in heaven and I didn't want to leave there.

As soon as I made my way into the room I had this goofy grin on my face and Madison knocked me off.

"You stupid ass lesbian! You are not going to stay in this room any longer."

Kaylee was nowhere in sight.

Shit more drama.

**(A/N:Hey you guys thx for the reviews love them...well tell me what you think of it...I'm still going by ear on the story soo tell me whats up!! Leave the love! )**


	15. Chapter 15

Hahahaha...you guys make me laugh sooo hard with your reviews ...hahaha when you can make me laugh then it's all good from there!! Thx so much for sticking with the story with me...im soo glad u like!

Heres the bad news...work ends today and wont start up until next wednesday!! And with my computer still down I wont be able to post!!

(Covers my eyes hoping nothing is going to be thrown at me.)

I'm going to try my hardest to post for you all though...some way or another I will try to get a post up within that time!! But it might be awhile soo please dont leave and forget about the story...or me lol...because I will be back and I'll have a post up soon!!

Ok now enough of my rambling...heres your post!

Enjoy!

**Live. Laugh. Love. **

Before I could even open up my mouth my door was opened up and in walks Kaylee.

"Excuse me! What the hell did you just say to my bestfriend?" Kaylee was starting to walk towards Madison and I knew that this was not going to end well. I grabbed Kaylees hand and didn't let her go any further.

"Who the hell are you?" Madison didn't know Kaylee and trust me if she did she wouldn't be giving her attitude right now.

"Bitch I'll tell you who I am. I'm someone you don't want to fuck with because I will beat the shit out of you. Now...what the hell did you just say to my bestfriend?"

Madison was starting to look scared and it was making me crack a smile from ear to ear. That teachers her to say shit to me. Kaylee won't give a damn who you are she will kick your ass. Madison quickly grabbed her things.

"I don't need to put up with this shit. I'll be staying with Aiden and I'll talk with Dean Marshall in the morning so we can get different roommates." Madison did not even glance towards Kaylee but instead walked by her fast going out the door.

Damn I hate shit like that. And most of all I hate people like that.

"Where the hell did you go? I leave for a second and you're already gone."

"Shit can't a woman pee anymore. Damn it's not like I knew that your crazy ass roommate was going to get all buck wild on you or anything. Besides I thought you would of spent more time with Ashley." Kaylee smiled at me nudging my arm with hers.

"Shut the hell up you whore. I'm not like you."

"Maybe you should. Because at the rate your going it's going to be years before you get any and your ass needs to get some."

"I swear Kaylee I don't understand you sometimes. Not everybody needs to have sex to state how they feel about eachother."

"No but it sure does help. I mean come on Spence. When was the last time?"

I sat down on my bed and I knew that she was going to get into this convo with me.

"I don't know. I guess when I was with Jeremy."

"JEREMY! As in two boyfriends ago? Which was like 2 years ago? Damn you sure as hell need some."

"Ok can we please stop talking about me needing some because that's not even the issue right now."

"Your right. Tell me everything about Ashley and how this all came apon you."

I took my shoes off and we got comfy on my bed. This was going to take some time.

xxxx

I'm so freaking dead right now.

I swear Kaylee and I stood up all night and now it's 2 in the afternoon on a Saturday and I feel like shit. I nudged Kaylee so she could get her ass up.

"Uhhhh."

"Get up."

"Uhhh."

"Come on Kaylee get up!"

"Why? It's to damn early."

"It's 2 in the afternoon."

"Your point would be."

"That we need to get our ass up and go and do something. I hate waisting the damn day sleeping in."

"See this is where we do not match because I can sleep for days." Kaylee was looking at me and I hit her with my pillow.

"Whatever. Just get your ass up."

xxxx

It wasn't until a hour later that we were ready to do anything.

"So what are we doing today?"

"We can drive and see what we can do in town?"

"Sounds good. What's Ashley doing?" I looked down at my cell phone wanting to get a message or phone call from her but I haven't heard anything from her.

"I don't know. I haven't heard from her."

"Yeah I know. You keep on looking at your damn phone every 5 minutes making sure that you didn't miss something from her.

"Shut up!"

"Hahaha. Spencer hooked."

"I am not."

"Bitch please you know you are. Now admit it."

Ok so I'm hooked big deal. I couldn't help it Ashley made me happy. I just wasn't going to admit that to Kaylee because she would just make fun of me some more.

"Whatever. Let's just go."

Before we even made our way out of the room Kaylee stops me at the door.

"Why don't you invite her?"

Awww Kaylee is such a sweetheart. That's why I love her.

"It's ok Kaylee. You're only here for the weekend and she knows that."

"Dude I totally don't care and besides I know that your thinking about her and I want you to be happy."

She really does love me. I smiled at Kaylee and she smiled back.

"You love me don't you."

"You wish!" I started cracking up. That's the true Kaylee for ya.

"Now call her and have her come with us."

I picked up the phone and made the phone call. Of course it took forever for her to pick up the phone but when she did she didn't sound all that great.

"Hello." She was all low on the phone and I hated hearing her like that.

"Hey. What are you doing?"

"Nothing."

Uhh I hate when I get one word answers. It bugs the shit out of me.

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah."

Liar.

"No seriously Ashley. Are you ok?"

"I'm fine Spencer." Uh oh. Her attitude is starting to kick in.

What the hell happened after I left last night?

"Um ok. Well I called to see if you wanted to hang out with Kaylee and I today."

She was silent for a second on the phone and it was starting to get to me.

"Ashley?"

"I'm not really in the mood to hang out today Spence."

That hurt. I thought she would want to spend some time with me today.

"Babe who is that?" Rachel?

I could not believe I just heard Rachels voice on the phone. I had my mouth hanging to the ground and I was pissed. I was then speechless to say the least. Ashley must of noticed I heard her because she started to try to cover up.

"It's not what you think. Spencer?"

Without so much as a goodbye I hung up the phone and I stood there in the hall shocked as hell.

How the hell could she let Rachel come over last night after everything that happened last night?

Kaylee looked at me as if she was clueless on what just happened and at the moment I was so mad that I didn't even know that to say at that point.

So I didn't say one word but I kept on getting phone calls from Ashley after that though. I kept on walking and we got out of Trentan Hall and get into Kaylees car.

I know we aren't together but damn are you kidding me right now. How could she go back with Rachel like that? She's just a bitch and there's no other way to put it. We got into the car and Kaylee would not start the car until I told her what was going on.

"You know I'm not budging until you tell me what's going on."

"I heard Rachels voice on the phone when I was talking with her."

"As in her girlfriend?" Yeah technically they didn't break up yet but how the hell are you going to forgive something like that. Ugh! I was so mad.

"Well yeah I guess but still. After everything how the hell is she going to take her back?"

"Maybe she loves her Spencer."

"Then how is she going to make out with me and tell me that she want's to be with me? That bullshit! She knows it, you know it and I know it!"

"Maybe it's not what you think. Did she tell you why she was there?"

"I didn't want to hear it so I hung up."

"See then maybe she was going to tell you what was wrong. Just give her some time Spencer. If she truely cares for you then things will find a way for you two to be together."

I didn't know what to believe anymore.

Kaylee started the car and we left the campus. I wanted to get far from here and not have to worry about all the drama at the school which had me in the middle of all the shit. Damn what a school to come to.

xxxx

Kaylee and I drive for hours hitting any place that we thought was cool. We found a mall and hung out there most of the day just enjoying eachothers company.

I bought some clothes that were really cute but totally not my style. I figured I would do something different. I like to switch it up every once in a while.

We had dinner in the mall and when I checked my phone in the restraunt I noticed that I had 10 missed calls. All of them were from Ashley.

"Ashley?"

Kaylee asked me as I was putting my phone away in my purse.

"Yeah." I looked down at my menu and really didn't want to keep on going with the topic of Ashley.

"You love her don't you."

My head shot up at Kaylee and at that moment something screamed in my head. Something was telling me that what she was saying was all true.

I was falling in love with her.

**(A/N: There's your post!! What do you think? Please tell me and let me know...you know me I love to hear from all of you. Now remember I'll try my hardest to get something up soon! Promise!! Well you know what to do...leave the love!! xD)**


	16. Chapter 16

OMG...do you understand how good it finally feels to write again...I'm back at work today and I came in early just to write a chpt!! I'm so sorry but I had really no way to get anything up because my comp is still down I hope u guys havent left me!!

Well enough of this heres ur chpt!!

Much luv out there to my reviewers!!

**Live. Laugh. Love. **

Kaylee and I pretty much just hung out for the whole day and I would repeatedly get text messagees from Ashley.

She knew that I wouldn't pick up the phone from her so she decided to get everything off her chest on a text message.

Heres the first one.

_IM SRY SPENCER. Plz let me explain! _

The second text.

_PLZ call me I need to talk to you. _

Third Text

_Why r u being like this 4?! _

That was the last text when I turned off my phone.

Why was I being like this? How the hell is she suppose to think I was going to be acting?

Her ex or not ex I don't know was in her room in the morning.

What do you think I'm going to think about that situation.

Shit this hurt like hell thinking about all of this. Kaylee would look at me so many times that I would tell her to keep her eyes on the road.

I know I shouldn't be bitching at her but at the moment she was the only I could bitch at and I knew she understood me.

xxxx

"You need to talk to her. This is getting to you I can tell."

Damn bestfriends knowing everything about you.

"I'm fine Kay."

"Yeah right! You're so full of shit it's unbelievable. You love her and hearing her ex in her room totally hit you the wrong way. Maybe something else happened and she was in there for a whole different reason. You need to let her explain herself and you need to stop acting like a bitch to me."

I looked over at Kaylee and she had a straight face on.

She wasn't kidding one bit.

"I'm sorry about being a bitch to you."

"Yeah you better be. Other wise I was going to have to kick your ass out of this car." That when I got a smile out of her. Which got me to smile.

Ahhhh! This was all so frustrating but I was so glad to have Kaylee here with me to help me out with alot of it.

Kaylee and I stayed out for a while talking about everything back home. I really missed it back in Ohio. With me coming out here totally changed everything about me in some type of way and it kind of scared me.

Here I come from a small town to an even smaller place and my life gets turned into something else. Like it was always there but I never saw it. Like these feelings I have for Ashley.

Where the hell did that come from?

See everything was totally different now and I was still seeing if it's a good thing or a bad thing.

xxxx

We didn't stroll back into the gates at Banton until 12 that night.

"Miss Carlin you were suppose to be back on campus a hour ago." Frank had stopped us as he opened up the gates for us.

"I'm sorry Frank. I had a lot on my mind that I just needed to get out and think you know."

"I understand. Ashley was doing the exact same thing." Hearing him say that about Ashley made my heart tighten up just a little. I did miss her and I knew that I would have to talk to her sooner or later.

"And if you don't mind me saying Miss Carlin. I think that you are better for Ashley then Rachel."

Wow. Did he just say that to me?

So he knew about Ashley?

He knew about us?

Well Ashley did say that he was like an uncle to her so I wouldn't see why she wouldn't talk to him about things. I mean he jumped on Jake fast as hell when he hit me the other day. Let me tell you he was one of my heros that's for sure.

Frank gave me a smile and I smiled back as Kaylee drove back to the school.

xxxx

"Are you going to go talk to her?" Kaylee was asking me as we were turning the corner onto my floor and I stopped.

"What's your deal?" Kaylee looked down the hall. She saw what I saw.

Ashley was sitting against my door waiting for me.

She must of heard us because she stood to her feet fast and was standing there holding her hands as if she didn't quite know what to say.

Well it's good to know that I'm not the only one who gets nervous when we get together. It was something that she does to me that just makes me breathe faster than usual.

Ya I know I'm weird. You don't have to tell me.

Kaylee finally nudged me to move.

Damn I guess I was just stuck at looking at her.

We were walking down the hall and right as we got to Ashley Kaylee makes up an excuse.

"Hey I'll be right back I'm going to get something to drink downstairs."

I looked at her with big eyes because I didn't know if I wanted to be alone with Ashley at this moment.

"You don't have to go Kay."

Kaylee looked from Ashley then over to me.

"Yeah I do." She smiled towards me and winked just as she was walking away.

So right as she left the hall got silent and we both stood there not saying anything because I'm sure she didn't know where to start as well.

This sucks.

Instead of saying anything I unlock my door and she follows me in.

She wanted to talk then she can make the first responce. I just went on to get dressed for bed and didn't even care that she was in the room with me.

"I didn't sleep with her." Those were the words she chose to say to me first. Were they suppose to cheer me up or something?

I turned around to her and I was not even sure what to say to that.

"Am I suppose to be happy about that?" I told her.

"I didn't want you to think that that's what happened last night. After you left last night she came to my room plastered and I wanted to just slam the door in her face but I knew that if I did that she would get caught leaving the hall. So I told her to come in and just sleep it off."

Ashley was only a few feet away from me now.

"So nothing happened at all?" I told asked her.

Ashleys head went down to the ground and I knew that something went on.

"She kissed me. I swear Spencer I didn't want it to happened. I pushed her away from me as soon as she kissed me."

I knew that Rachel was drunk and from her I wouldn't doubt something like that from her but it still hurt.

As I stood there with Ashleys hands in mine I knew that I had no right to be mad. We weren't together.

I dropped her hands and I went to my bed. Ashley sat next to me but all I could think of was that Rachel was with her all night.

"I promise you that I didn't do anything else with her."

"Ash I know that I was mad about everything that happened last night but when I think about it I have no right to be. We aren't together. You can do whatever you want to do." Ashley was looking at me straight in the face and I could tell that I said something she didn't want to hear.

"I want to be with you Spencer. I want us to be together." Hearing her say that had made me happy but I knew it couldn't happen until things were done with Rachel.

"I don't think that will happen until you settle things with Rachel. I can't tell you what to do or when to do it but I just know that I can't be with you when I know you're still connected with Rachel."

I was standing at this point and I wanted so much to run out of the room and not have to handle everything that was going on. Ashley had her head down to the ground as she sat on the bed.

"She still has a part of my heart Spencer." Ashleys eyes looked up at me and my heart was crushed. Which brought on the tears. But of course I kept it in and walked to my door.

Ashley walked over to me and stood there.

"Please don't hate me Spencer. I need to work out everything so we can be together."

"I could never hate you. I lo-" I stopped and Ashleys eyes met with me. I was shocked myself that I had almost said something to her.

Ashley came up to me and then placed her hands on my cheeks. I closed my eyes because I didn't know how I was going to be able to handle not having her near me.

When I finally opened my eyes she was inches away from me. She leaned in and kissed my cheek and then walked out of the room. Tears started to roll down my cheeks and I didn't know what to think anymore.

I turned towards outside the door and Kaylee was standing there. Seeing her standing there made me cry even more. I couldn't hold it anymore. Kaylee came to me and hugged me. I stood there crying on her shoulders wishing that I didn't have to go through this like I was.

**(A/N: I know that this wasn't that great of a chpt but I knew that I wanted to get something up for you guys...please dont hate me. The next couple of chpts will be alil better so please stay with me on all of this. Thx again!)**


	17. Chapter 17

Hey you guys thx soo much for the reviews!! I'm so glad I'm able to write now at work..until everything gets situated with my comp at home...which is still making me frustrated but I wont go there...anyways thx so much!!

Heres the next chpt!!

**Live. Laugh. Love. **

Kaylees suppose to go home today and I don't want her to go. It's been awesome having her here with me as so much has happened. She was my crying shoulder with everything and I knew that she will always be there for me but it's going to be different with the fact that she will be back in Ohio while I'm here in North Carolina.

I'm going to miss her so much.

xxxx

"Please tell me that you have decided to stay here with me and become my roommate because we all know that Madison isn't going to have me in here anymore."

"Babe I love you but I am not going to come to this prison. Do I look like a woman who would let people tell me where and when to come? HELL NO!"

She sure knows how to put it that's fur sure.

"Yeah I know. I just don't want you to go that's all."

We were standing outside Trenton Hall talking while she stood by her car. I've already gotten five different looks from everyone that was at the party the other night. Of course they are probably thinking that Kaylee was my girlfriend or something. I swear people are so stupid these days. Thinking that we have to be a certain way just to be normal like everyone else.

Who the hell is normal?

NOBODY!

"Don't worry you'll be back for breaks and I'll of course come back when I get a chance you know that. Just take care of yourself and don't get with anymore guys. Well in this case don't get with anyone at all because apparently both genders give you heartache."

She was right about that one. I didn't know what to think anymore. Or who to look to about all of this.

"So I'll see ya soon?" Kaylee asked me. I smiled and shook my head.

"You better believe your ass you'll see me soon." We gave eachother a hug and then she got into her car and as I watched her drive away.

First it was my dad leaving me and then it was Kaylee.

After Kaylees car was out of view I headed to the dining hall to get something to eat. I swear I feel like I haven't had an appetite from everything that has gone on around here.

There wasn't that many people in there for breakfast and I was glad. I wasn't really in the mood to see anyone right now. I got in line to grab some food when Kyla comes right in line with me.

This should be interesting.

I looked at her and I could feel there was a lot of tension that had to be cleared.

"So I'm guessing you heard everything at the party?" Kyla looked at me and then got her own food.

"Yeah I got everything that night."

Kyla and I went to go sit at a table away from everyone so we could talk.

"I knew that after Ashley broke up with Aiden-" I looked right up at her and I was shocked at what she just said.

"Aiden!" I repeated out loud.

So that was the reason why Madison couldn't stand when Ashley was in the room the other night. Damn could there be anymore drama here at the school.

"Yeah they went out for about two years. Their freshmen and sophmore year but then broke up because Aiden cheated on her with Madison."

I stand corrected. Of course there was more to the story. I sat there eating and not saying a word just trying to listen to everything she was telling me. Yeah Ashley has told me some stuff about her life but I always knew that she was keeping some things out. Don't get me wrong I don't expect her to tell me everything because I know it's hard to come out and talk about my dead mom. I wouldn't want her to say something she wasn't comfortable with.

Kyla went on about their relationship and I listened trying to get to know Ashley through her sister since she wasn't sure about us right now. Well we were both not sure about anything really.

"Ever since this summer her and Rachel have been spending a lot of time together and at first I didn't think anything about it but then one day I was coming home I saw them making out on the couch. I ignored it all and just made some noise so they knew that I was in the house but didn't see them making out. From then on I knew that Ashley was gay. I just hated the fact that she couldn't come out and tell me about it. I would never hate her for who she is. I love her and will always be there for her but when Rachel came out and outted Ashley I was pissed off. Once you guys left the party I went up to Rachel and we both got into it. She said that she was getting tired of Ashley always talking about you and she would see her stairing at you. So what did Rachel do? She drank more and ended up back at the dorm with Ashley. When I walked in I thought that they were over with but instead Ashley was helping her into bed. To be honest with you I think she would be better off with you then with Rachel."

Hearing that from Kyla totally made my day and it felt great to hear that from her. I was glad to have someone else on my team.

"I don't even know what to think about this all Kyla. I've never been with a girl and with Ashley I feel like I matter you know. I don't know."

"She cares for you Spencer. I know she does. Ever since you got here I could see it in her eyes whenever we were all together. Just give her some time and I know she will come around."

I looked at Kyla and I shook my head. I knew she was right but I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't going to get hurt anymore.

Shit that wishful thinking isn't it. I know that relationships aren't perfect and I don't expect them to be so I guess I shouldn't expect not to be hurt in some way or another.

xxxx

That following day was hell. Dean Marshall brought me up to the office about the whole situation with Madison. More like he wanted to place me somewhere away from her or anyone else who had a problem with me being who I am.

I swear I hated Madison and getting out of that room with her was going to be fine with me. I rather have another roommate.

xxxx

So after my classes that afternoon Dean Marshall said that I was going to be roomming with this girl named Gina.

She was a senior and had a job in the kitchen. Dean Marshall said that she was fine with me roomming in with her. At least everyone didn't hate me here.

I didn't have many things to move which I was glad about. I hate moving. All that hassel in moving all your crap to another location just bugged the hell out of me.

Or could it be that I'm lazy.

Hmm either one would work for me.

Ha ha ha.

As soon as I grabbed everything out of my room I headed downstairs to my new place. Dean Marshall said she was a cool person but that could be all looks when it comes down to it. For all I know she could be just like Madison and only said that to make my life a living hell.

Do you think I'm too dramatic?

Anyways as I walked inside there was a girl sitting at her desk on the computer.

She turned around to me and for some reason I hadn't seen her since I've gotten here. She was actually pretty.

She had dark, semi long brown hair. Her body screamed workout queen. Damn who goes to school and looks that good and for a private school no less.

Gina got up and greeted me as I pushed my way through the door with all my shit with me.

I swear I'm not trying to look like a dork but for some reason it's turning out like that.

"Hey let me give you a hand with that."

Her voice was really cute. Her smile was even as adorable as she was.

I shook the thought out of my head and thought about Ashley. The one who is still hung up on her girlfriend but yet still confessed to me that she wants to be with me. Yeah lets think about that instead of this hot girl in front of me.

"Hey I'm Gina." She stuck her hand out to me. I looked up and dropped my bags to shake her hand.

This was going to be a interesting.

**(A/N: Soooo what do you think hahaha?? Interesting huh hahaha...sorry Ashley wasn't really in this one but she will in the next one and I don't know about you but I feel tension coming into play!! Well leave it...like always!!)**


	18. Chapter 18

You guys are awesome at leaving reviews... i love it!! Soo thank you so very much!! Here is the next chpt like I promise!!

Sorry no time to edit...forgive me please!

Enjoy!

**Live. Laugh. Love. **

**Princess21- So she's hott?? Damn why couldn't I have met her before I left! **

See I told you. You can never predict what Kaylee will say to you.

**Dreamer18- Shut up! I swear I would say you're into girls if it wasn't for the fact that your a big whore at school with all of the football team. **

**Princess21- Hey! I thought we were going to keep that to ourselves. No need to spread it through your convent there. Don't want to corrupt any high schoolers who haven't gotten any. Like you! **

**Dreamer18- You are so lucky! **

**Princess21- How so? **

**Dreamer18- Because if you were here or I was there I would of beat the shit out of you. But in other words. I miss you. LOL! **

**Princess21- Alright enough of this lovey dovey shit and tell me about your new roommate. What does she look like? Does she have a brother? Do you think he would let me hit it? **

This was one freaky bitch. I swear she was a sexaholic. I think I need to get her into one of those AA meetings that have to deal with Sex.

**Dreamer18- Dude you need to calm down with all of that. I don't even know her last name but yes she is pretty. **

**Princess21- Prettier than Ashley? **

I paused.

It's been two days since I've last talked to her in my old room. Yeah we have classes together but she makes sure to leave the class without even saying a word to me.

Exactly how is that suppose to make me feel when she does that?

I stopped typing which got Kaylee typing up a storm.

**Princess18- Hello! **

**Princess18- R u there? **

**Princess18- Well I guess that was the wrong question to ask...so you apparently haven't talked with her lately? **

**Dreamer21- Sry I was lost in thought. Nope I haven't talked with her. I don't really know what to do about her. **

**Princess18- I would say give her some time but maybe you need to move on and see what's up with your hott roommate. LOL **

**Dreamer- IDK. **

**Princess21- Well you think about it and remember I'm only a phone call away. I love ya bitch. **

**Dreamer18- Love you too! Bye **

**Princess21- CYA. **

**Dreamer18 Signed Off **

As soon as I got off the comp I went to go sit down on my bed and I laid there looking up at my new ceiling. Ashleys face was popping in and out of my thoughts and I wanted to talk to her so bad but I knew that I had to wait until she wanted to actually talk to me. I wasn't going to be the ass to make the first move and then feel worse than what I already do. If she wants to talk to me than she can make the effort in finding me.

xxxx

That night I tossed and turned. I blame it on the bed but I guess it could be everything else on my mind as well.

I could of swore that I was making as little noise as possible but I guess I was wrong because within a few minutes Gina turned on her table lamp.

"Is everything ok Spencer?" I sat up on my bed and I felt bad that I had kept her up with my moving around.

"I'm sorry Gina. I just can't sleep. I didn't mean to wake you up."

"Nah it's ok. Do you need to talk or something?"

Gees isn't she sweet. Madison would of told me to shut the hell up and get to sleep before she knocked me out.

Yeah she really cared about me. Hahaha.

"I don't know what it is. It could be just me and not being able to sleep in a new place or just the fact that I'm having problems with someone."

"Would that someone be Ashley?"

My eyes were wide and I was shocked she knew about Ashley and I. Damn word does spread fast in this school.

"So I guess you heard?"

"Yeah sorry. I know it's none of my business and I would never expect you to say anything but if you ever need anyone to talk to I can be that ear."

Damn she was good.

I sat up better in bed and I looked over at her.

"So what exactly have you heard?" I was curious now.

I looked at Gina as she positioned herself in her bed as well. She was wearing this white tank top with some adidas shorts. Did I mention that I found out she plays soccer?

Oh yeah she does.

Maybe that's why she has an awesome body.

"Well lets see if I heard this right. Ashley is dating Rachel and last Saturday Rachel came out and told everyone there that she was gay. Of course you were thrown in there because she has feelings for you as well."

Yep that would be the talk of the town.

Damn if only people stay out of other peoples lives. We would live more happier.

Don't you think?

"Yeah that's some of it." I sat there playing with my blanket trying to think about what I was going to say next.

"When I first got here I was into guys. Well I was sure I was into guys and I even dated Jake."

"Yeah I saw that public display of affection as well."

It's official. I hate this school.

"I think everyone did. Anyways I didn't expect to have feelings for Ashley but they came. We click and understand eachother but with Rachel I know that nothing is going to work out the way I would like it to."

I'm almost on the verge of tears at this moment. I closed my eyes and suppressed everything that I was feeling at the moment. There was no need for me to cry in front of Gina.

Gina got out of her bed and came over to me.

Couldn't you just stay in your own bed because right now I'm not sure what I would let myself do right now.

"Do you mind?" Gina stood next to my bed asking me if it was ok if she sat down on it.

I pointed to the bed and she took a seat a few inches away.

"Ashley is a great girl and I know that she would not want to hurt you but maybe she is just having a hard time with this all. She needs to work out things with Rachel and you need to work out your feelings. You never know you might just find that special someone in front of you."

Our eyes are locked.

Is it me or can I not breathe at this moment.

I think it was a year before I even exhauled.

In Kaylees words. She was hott!

Gina gave my knee a squeeze and smiled towards me.

Of course we were interrupted at 2:30 A.M. by a knock on the door.

We both gave eachother a weird look as if we had no idea who that could be at the door.

Gina got up and then opened up the door. I watched her as I saw her face expression changed when she answered the door.

"Oh hey Ashley." I got out of bed quickly when I heard Ashley ask if she could talk to me and then I walked over to the door.

"I'm going to go to the bathroom Spencer. I'll be back in a few."

I looked at Gina and I knew that she was doing it so we could have sometime to ourselves.

Yep Kaylee would totally love her.

I shook my head ok and then Gina left the room and I looked up at Ashley. She had tears. Lots of them and it killed me to see her like that but I also knew that it probably had to do with Rachel.

"What's wrong?" I asked her while crossing my arms but wanting so much to bring her into my arms.

"I-I'm sorry. I-I never meant to h-hurt y-you." Obviously she was having a hard time talking to me about all of this.

"S-she actually b-broke up w-with me." So that's why she was here. What exactly did she expect me to do? Take her in now that Rachel was out of the picture?

"So your only here because she broke up with you? That's so wrong in so many ways Ashley." I was pissed off and even though I knew she was hurting it hurt me twice as much. Here I was waiting for her to make up her mind and choose me but instead I was getting the end of the bargain.

Who the hell does that?

"No no Spencer it's not like that." Ashley was in front of my face placing her hands in my hips. I loved the closeness but I knew she was just trying to convince me that it's not what it seems even though I knew it was exactly what I thought it was.

I walked away from her hands and I went off.

"So you didn't come here hoping to get with me because now Rachel wasn't in the picture. You do all of this but don't even think about how I'm going to feel Ashley. It's as if you're thinking about yourself but not anyone elses feelings. It just makes me feel like crap."

"Spencer I swear it's not like that."

"You know what. Now it's my time to think about all of this. I came here to concentrate on school and not worry about other things."

"Like me."

"Don't try to switch this on me Ashley!" She was really making me mad the more I talked to her.

"I'm sorry Spencer. It's just-"

"Your not getting everything your way." Ashleys face expression changed and she didn't say anything else to me. She knew I was right but she wasn't going to admit it.

"I better go."

Ashley turned around and started walking out the door. Gina was walking inside and I saw the stare that she gave Gina. Gina didn't say one word until she left and I just stood there heated that she would put me in that situation.

I laid down on my bed not saying a word to Gina and she didn't ask me anything which was fine with me. I didn't think that I could handle talking about Ashley right now. So instead I tried to close my eyes and I cried myself to sleep.

No matter what anyone thought. Having Ashley be this way hurt like hell and even though I knew she was single now I knew it wasn't for me. Rachel finished their relationship which tells me that Ashley wasn't really serious about us. This was messing with my head and it sucks.

**(A/N: Ok soo I tried to make this longer and with alot more in it but I've had so many interruptions that it has me trying to finish this chpt for you all. Sorry if you don't like it...i'm not really happy about it as well!! Anyways you know what to do...leave it! hahaha)**


	19. Chapter 19

Hey you guys...Im just sittng here at work and I just got off but I decided to stay and write another chpt so I could stay caught up and I wouldn't lag again!!

Hopefully everyone is still enjoying it...thx again for the reviews and ur thoughts...they mean alot!!

Plus keep in mind I love to have surprises in my stories...u kno me I never keep things perdictable...remember that when you read this chopt hahaha!(I swear I'm not evil o:)

Heres the next chpt! Enjoy!

Excuse the errors... no time!!

**Live. Laugh. Love. **

That following morning Gina and I grabbed breakfast before we had to go to class. I knew that Ashley would be in class but I tried to not think about the fact that she was in most of them.

Yeah it wasn't going to be that hard trying to get over her at all.

I had my head down most of the time we were sitting in the hall eating and I could feel Ginas eyes on me.

"I'm sorry about everything that happened last night Spencer. I mean I don't really know anything but I'm sure if it was good Ashley wouldn't had left last night and I would of had to find another place to stay." I looked up at her and I couldn't believe that she was talking like this with me. I really didn't know Ginas sexual prefrenece but something was telling me that she was on my side of the tracks.

"Why are you ok with us? Like with the type of person I like." I was so curious now. I wanted to know more about Gina.

"You mean how can I get along with lesbians? I know you just moved in the other day and we haven't had a chance to talk but I would of thought you knew that I'm one myself."

Of course she is. Nothing can be to easy for me. That's why she didn't mind like Madison did.

"Yeah I didn't know but there was something inside of me telling me that you could be one. I just didn't want to make assumptions you know and then look like an ass when I came out and said something."

"Nah I know what you mean but I want you to know that you can talk to me about anything with me. I'm here for you if you need a friend." Gina reached over and placed her hand over mine. I looked down at her hand and then looked back at her face.

Gina had a smile on her face trying to reasure me that this was ok with us. Shit I didn't know what was ok anymore. I was so lopsided with everything that it made me confused altogether.

xxxx

As soon as I walked into class I say Kyla sitting there with Chelsey but there was no Ashley.

Hmm maybe she was just late.

I said hi to the girls and then I sat down in front of the class just in case Ashley did come late and I wouldn't be in the back with her. Don't need to make things any more weirder than what they are.

Class soon started shortly after I walked in and even though I tried to keep my mind on the work I kept on looking back at the door to see if Ashley was going to walk through the door.

This was way harder then what I thought it would be.

As soon as class was over with I walked back to where Kyla and Chelsey were.

"I know that I really don't have a place to ask but why wasn't Ashley in class for." Kyla looked at me with a serious face and it was starting to make me worry.

"Ashley told me everything that happened last night. When she came back to the room she was balling her eyes out to me and I knew that she was going to have a breakdown. Ashley does not do good on breakdowns."

Of course I find out at the last minute.

"What do you mean? What happened?"

"She went home for a while. She said she couldn't handle being around you or around Rachel. I know that it's not the right thing to do but when it involves Ashley it's the only thing she will do. She can't deal with all of this and we both thought it would be good if she went home to decide what she wanted to do."

My mouth was literally to the ground and I couldn't believe that Ashley had went back to Ohio. She ran from her problems instead of dealing with them head on.

Why the hell was she going to do that for?

To top it off I was one of the reasons why she left. That just made me feel like shit all over again.

"I'm sorry Spencer." I shook my head like I understood but I really didn't. I walked out of the classroom and had everything running through my head.

Why did she leave for?

How could she leave me?

I didn't leave when I went through everything with Jake.

No. Instead I stayed around because I knew that I had Ashley here to talk with or even maybe be with.

I was hurt.

I was sad.

I was mad.

xxxx

For the rest of the day I didn't do much but go to class and do all of my work. It was the only thing that would keep my mind off of everything that was going on in my life at the moment.

I was walking through the grass over to the library with my head down and my head up in the clouds when I was stopped by a hand.

I turned around hoping it was Ashley but it turned out to be Gina.

Gina had a smile on her face when she caught up with me but as soon as she saw my face expression hers changed as well.

"What's wrong? Did something happen between Ashley and you?"

With that mention of her name I started balling. It felt like it had been holding that in forever. Gina wrapped me in her arms and I just cried wanting so much for Ashley to be here holding me. Don't get me wrong I like Gina but there was that something that still had feelings for Ashley.

xxxx

Gina and I spent the rest of the day together talking about everything that went on with Ashley and why I was acting like such a baby. Of course Gina told me that I was just expressing my feelings so there was no reason to call myself a baby.

I wish I believed that.

We were sitting on the bench while I stared down at my cell phone looking at the picture that Ashley and I had taken.

Weird huh.

We knew we liked eachother but we still ended up hurting eachother over something we did.

I hurt her with Jake.

She hurt me with Rachel.

It never stopped with us.

"I'm sorry about everything that has been happening with you Spencer." Gina was sweet. I was leaning over resting my head in my hands trying to compose myself. Gina rubbed my back trying to calm me down as well.

"It's not your fault Gina. I guess if we really wanted to be with eachother then we would of made an effort to try. You know." I looked at her and she shook her head at me.

"But still you shouldn't have to go through this. You deserve so much more than that."

I smiled at her and it brought a smile to her face. She was totally cute.

We were totally having a moment there when the Queen Bitch rears her ugly head.

"Stupid ass gays. I swear they let anyone in here." I shot out of my seat and I stood right in front of her face.

I was mad and she was definitely the last person I wanted to hear shit talking from because I would gladly get suspended just so I could kick the shit out of her.

Gina got in front of me stopping me from pounding the shit out of her.

"Madison if I were you I would not mess with Spencer right now because she wouldn't mind kicking you ass right now." Madison just gave us both a dirty look and walked away with her friend Chery. I couldn't stand that bitch either.

"Uggghhhhhh!" I was so frustrated that I didn't even know what to think anymore.

I walked away from Gina. I needed to go for a walk.

"Are you ok?" Gina asked me as I was heading towards the gate.

I knew that Frank would let me out for awhile. I needed to get out and breathe. I turned around and looked at Gina saying that I was sorry with my eyes.

"I'll see you later ok." I tried to put a smile on my face but that wasn't going to happen anytime soon.

"Ok. I'll be here." I shook my head ok and then headed towards the gate.

As soon as I got to the gate Frank was sitting in his station looking at a magazine.

"Hey Frank." Frank looked up from his magazine and smiled when he saw me. I gave him my best effort of a smile and I knew he could tell that I was sad about Ashley.

"I'm sorry to hear about Ashley leaving Miss Carlin."

"It was her choice to leave Frank. I can't do anything about that."

"So I'm guessing you need to go for a walk?" I shook my head yes and I he opened the gates for me. He was awesome.

"Thanks so much Frank."

"Now remember-" I cut him off.

"Be back before curfew." Frank said yes and I made my way out of the gates.

I walked for awhile wondering where I was going to go and I decided to go to the boulders. The place Ashley took me when I first got out of the gates and I found out that my mom had went here in high school.

This school was nothing but drama for me.

Maybe I shouldn't had come here after all.

Just as I was making my way to the boulders my cell started to go off. I looked down at the name on the screen and it was Ashley.

Why was she calling me?

Just seeing her name on my screen made me think of so much which brought me back to tears.

That's all I needed was more tears.

To answer the phone or not to answer the phone that was the real question.

**(A/N: Hey you guys... you know this chpt was alil shocking because I didn't think that I was going to have Ashley leave like that but it gives it more drama and u know me I love drama...soo leave it and tell me watcha think!!) **


	20. Chapter 20

I know everyone hates me right now and personally I would hate me as well for taking so long...but I don't really have access at the comp that much anymore and mine at home is still down for the count but yeah...enough of my talking heres the next chpt!!

Thx again for responding to my last chpt!!

**Live. Laugh. Love. **

"Hello."

I picked up the phone as I sat there trying to calm myself down because I didn't want her to know that I was crying.

"I thought I was going to get your answering machine." Part of me wanted to let it go to the answer machine.

"Why did you call Ashley?" Why should I act like I was fine with things when I clearly wasn't.

"I wanted to explain why I left. I'm so sorry about everything."

"You didn't get everything your way so you up and leave."

"It's not like that Spencer! I was tired of everything-"

"Of me." I cut her off getting irrated with her.

"NO!" Ashley went silent and so did I.

We just sat there on the phone not saying a word. I knew that I had a lot to say to Ashley but I kept it to myself because I didn't want to get into another argument.

"All I can say is that I'm sorry Spence. I know it's not much but right now that is all I have."

I kept quiet for a short time and then responded back to her.

"Thanks."

"Is it ok if I call you so we can talk?" I sat there knowing that I still wanted to stay in contact with her while she was going to be gone. At least I would be able to talk to her.

"I'd like that." I put a smile on my face because I was glad that she still wanted to keep in contact with me. I didn't want to lose my friend even though I wanted more out of our friendship.

xxxx

My week went by slow with classes. I knew that Ashley wasn't here but everytime I would sit in class I would hope to see her walk through the front door and smile at me with the crinkle on her nose. I'm telling you that smile would make me smile for days.

Just like she promised she calls me every night to see how my day was going. Then it was Wednesday night she ended up bringing up the issue of Gina. Let's just say that she wasn't really happy with what I told her.

xxxx

"So how is it going with Gina as your roommate?"

I knew that she didn't like the subject but she wanted to know.

"Gina is pretty cool actually. We get along really well. I can talk to her about everything and not feel weird."

"Wow, you almost sound like you have feelings for her." That was literally still up in the air. Gina hasn't tried to get with me but we talk about it all the time. I wasn't going to let Ashley know that. Not right now anyways.

She must of took my quiet thinking time that she was right about me likining Gina because she snapped me out of my thoughts.

"You do like her don't you!"

Ashley definitely sounded jealous. There was no denying that.

"I don't know how I feel about anything right now Ashley. Yeah she's pretty cool but my mind is still on someone else."

Ashley got quiet. She knew that it was her that I was talking about.

"I want to be with you Spencer."

"You weren't really so curtain about that before you left. When you left you were just devistated because Rachel broke up with you."

"How do you expect me to feel Spencer? She was my first girlfriend. Of course I was going to be the way that I was."

"Then why the hell did you come to my room that night to tell me that you wanted to be with me if you were feeling like that than?" I knew that this issue would come back to kick us in the ass again. I was really started to hate it all over again.

"No matter what you think Spencer I want to be with you. Do you want to be with me?"

She knew I did and I would gladly want to drop everything to be with her but she was back home and I was here with Gina. Don't get me wrong I love spending time with Gina and I know that she has no drama that I would have to deal with.

But I also know that nobody is perfect and I shouldn't expect that.

"You know I do Ashley but with you gone I don't think that it would work out."

"I'll be back Spencer. Please just wait for me."

How much I would love to tell her that I would wait for her but to be honest anything could happen between Gina and I. I sat on the phone for a second thinking of everything.

"I guess we will see how everything goes when you come back. Whenever that will be."

"I promise I'll be back soon."

How much I would love for her to come back tomorrow but I knew that she was going to be gone for at least another week. Kyla told me that she was bad off when she left Banton so whenever she would get like that it would at least be a few weeks before she would come back to school. Apparently this happen her Sophmore year after her and Aiden broke up. Ashley took everything so hard that she went home and didn't return to school until it was almost over with and then she made it back for finals. I think that she has a problem with running away from her fears and problems that it's going to be hard on her when she gets older.

How is she going to deal with everything else?

Would she even be able to have an open relationship with me?

All these questions were swimming through my brain while I sat there on the phone with Ashley.

"Goodnight Spencer."

"Nite Ash."

I wanted her here with me but I knew it wasn't that simple. Nothing was.

I hung up the phone as quietly as I could and I looked over at Gina and she laid there sleeping so peacefully. Then I thought to myself.

I hope I'll be able to wait for her.

**(A/N: Hey you guys I know its short but it's all I can get out because of my work...I hope u guys dont hate me...I'll try my hardest to get something up tomorrow! Then the weekend comes and u know I can't post anything than as well...please for give me and tell me what you thought of the chpt!! Thx again!!)**


	21. Chapter 21

Thanks you guys for sticking by me and I'm starting to notice new people reading...thats awesome...thanks so much for all who read!!

Heres the chpt and I'll try my hardest to have one up Monday!

No time to edit sorry!

Enjoy!

**Live. Laugh. Love. **

I was eatting breakfast with all of the girls that next morning. I just wanted to get back into the swing of things and not have to worry so much.

"Have you talked to her?" My head came up to look at Kyla as she asked me that question.

"She called me last night." I went back to eatting and reading my book for Chemistry.

"How are you guys?"

"We aren't a couple if that's what you want to know." I know that I should of had an attitude but no matter how hard I tried to get back into school Ashley is brought back to the picture.

I wasn't suppose to come here to fall in love I was suppose to finish school and then get into Princeton like my mom. Either which way I looked there was something that was kicking me in the ass.

"She asked me the other day about you." Kyla brought up. Didn't she notice that I didn't really want to go into the whole subject anymore?

So I sat there shaking my head letting her know that I was listening to what she was telling me.

"I know she loves you Spencer." That damn word. Love.

Who the hell uses that word anymore?

Personally I don't think people should use it unless they know for a fact that it is love because you end up hurting someone if the feelings are truely there. Which in my case has already happened.

"Well what do you think about that?"

"How am I suppose to feel? If she loved me than why did she leave for? Why did she go from Rachel and then come to me when she knew that she didn't have Rachel anymore?" I was so done with this all that it bugged the crap out of me that they wouldn't drop it.

This is between Ashley and I. Nobody else.

I stood up from my seat because I wanted to get away from all of this and right as I was about to walk away from the table Gina comes walking up to me. Of course everyone at the table looked at her and then back to me.

"Hey why you leaving so soon? I was coming over to eat with you guys." Gina asked me.

"I just needed to leave. I'm not feeling so hot right now."

Ginas facial expression changed and she knew that there was something wrong with me but she was going to let it go until we had a chance to be alone. She hated talking about important things with other people around. That was definietly something that I also liked about her. She knew how to keep things to herself and not go over board with everyone around her.

I said goodbye to the girls and then I made my way out of the hall. Gina walked with me and she stayed quiet but I knew that she was just waiting for me to bring up the subject so she wouldn't be intruding on anything.

"I'm sorry." I blurted out.

"For what?" She looked at me trying to see what was wrong with me.

"Being so distant. Having about a million and one things on my mind and not being able to talk to you." We stopped outside the Trentant Hall. I didn't know if we should go up to the room because of the way I was feeling at the moment. Which meant that I didn't know how I would control myself if I knew that we were talking to eachother and she was right next to me in our room.

Maybe it was safer to be living in Madisons room than over here. Over there Madison just ignored me where as in with Gina I have temptations running through my head whenever she is around me.

Damn hormones!

Gina grabbed a hold of my hand.

"I understand that you have been going through a lot of stuff this week so don't feel bad about anything. You know I'm here when you want to talk ok. I'm going to go do some homework. I'll catch you later tonight ok."

I smiled at her and I said ok. Gina walked away and I stood there thinking. So instead of worring about things I just headed to class and tried to get my head into work. That's what I needed. To think of something else other than all of this drama that I have going on right now.

xxxx

Classes were slower than hell. Come on why did it have to go so slow for?

That's how it went for the rest of the week and I did not like it at all.

Friday night I called Kaylee.

xxxx

"Please tell me why you are at home and not out at another one of your guys's parties? You know how entertaining those are."

I know she wasn't trying to crack a joke right now. She was so unbelievable.

"Ha Ha Ha. Not so funny woman. Why aren't you out with one of your many men?"

"I gave them the night off. I was getting bored."

"I swear your a whore."

"Don't be jealous. I know you want to be like me. Oh wait you are. Hahahaha."

"I'm so about to hang up on you."

"Don't be a party pooper. You know I'm just messing with you nerd. Besides it just me so you can't get mad at me."

She was right I didn't need to be mad with anyone else in my life. There was way to much going on that I didn't need to add to it all.

"Yeah I know. So what are you doing this weekend?"

"Just going to hang around the house. There isn't much to do this weekend and I kind of don't want to do anything."

There was something wrong with her. She is never not doing something. She lives off of having fun with friends and her many men.

"What's going on with you? You are never acting like this."

"It's nothing Spence."

"Liar."

It was quiet between us and I knew that she wanted to say something but she was thinking about it.

"I saw the ex last night at a party."

Uhh this was not one subject I liked talking about but I knew that it meant a lot to her.

"What happened?"

"He was there with another girl and at first I wasn't going to let it get to me but then something just snapped in me that it pissed me off and made me depressed."

"Babe I know that you still think of him and that's normal but he's an ass and you will find someone better that will love you. So please don't let him get to you like that."

"Yeah your right. It just hurt to see him there with some bitch."

"See now that's my Kaylee."

We stayed on the phone for another 20 minutes talking about everything when Gina walked through the door to our room.

I got off the phone with Kaylee and I continued to work on my homework on my laptop.

She was quiet and didn't say anything to me. I turned around to look at her and she was changing her clothes. I swear it was only for a second but for that second I couldn't move my head. I couldn't think of anything other than the toned body that was standing right there in front of me. Gina turned around as she was putting on her shirt and I turned around fast because she caught me stairing. I felt like an ass just looking at her and felt even more embarrassed that I got caught doing it.

A second later I could feel a body that was behind me. You know that feeling you get when someone is around you without you knowing.

"What did you think?"

I knew what she meant. I got up and decided to not go over that subject.

"I think I'm going to head to the library for an hour." I grabbed my books. I ignored her eyes and everything else and made my way to the door when she stopped me.

"Please don't go." I closed my eyes and turned around to look at her.

Damn this was the hardest thing. Gina looked directly in my eyes and I wanted to melt. She lifted her hand up to my face and I no matter how much I wanted to deny it I loved the touch.

" I really like you Spence and I know that you are still hung up on Ashley but I can't stand being so close to you and not being able to hold you."

I swallowed and I think the people down the hall heard me.

I stood there looking right at her and I saw her lick her lips and it sent shivers down my body.

"I'm going to kiss you Spencer but if you don't want me to then move away."

Gosh I couldn't think. Not one bit.

**(A/N: Hey you guys had to stop there lol hahaha...anyways leave the love!!)**


	22. Chapter 22

Wow talk about a big repsonce from people on that last chpt!! I was gone all weekend visiting a friend so when I got home and was able to use my phone I checked my messages and dang did I have quite a few!! Thanks for responding!!

Heres the next one!!

**Live. Laugh. Love. **

So close. That is what I kept on saying in my head when I moved away from Gina.

Why was it that I felt bad this time around?

Before when I was talking to Jake things didn't even seem as weird as they do now.

_It was all so intence and I knew that something was about to happen but I had that feeling inside of me to move away and I did exactly just that. _

_I moved my mouth and she caught the cheek. _

_Right at that point she backed away and had her head down the whole time. I knew that I had made me feel bad and it just made me feel like crap altogether. _

_"I'm sorry Gina." I tried to make things alittle better between us. _

_"I understand." Gina moved away from me and right at that point I felt bad. _

_"Gina I just don't want to start this with everything that is happening with Ashley and I." _

_"I know and I'm sorry that I pushed it." _

_I walked up to her and put my hand on her shoulder. She turned around to look at me and her face expression just kill me. I reached up and placed my hand on her cheek. She leaned into my palm and I loved the feeling that she gave me. _

_I leaned in and placed a soft kiss on her cheek. _

_"At another time and another place I would of let everything happened." She slowly smiled at me and I was really glad that I have her as my roommate. I wouldn't have it any other way. _

_You know if Ashley wasn't in the middle of this than I would of so went for it. But right now I couldn't help how I was feeling. I know that I should he happy and right now I wish I was. _

_With Ashley gone it gives me time to think but it also makes me miss her. We would have some awesome talks and so many times I would want to tell her about mom but I didn't know if I should bring that up just yet. _

I was sitting in my room that Saturday morning wanting to do something but I couldn't get myself to get out of bed. I really need to work on that.

_Ring Ring Ring _

Ughhh who would be calling this early in the morning.

I rolled over on my bed and I grabbed the phone and I saw Ashley picture on the screen. It made me smile big.

"Hey you."

I said into the phone.

"You sound like you just woke up."

"Hahaha. Uhh kind of. What are you doing up so early?" I asked her as I sat up in bed.

"I couldn't help it I missed talking with you yesterday so I thought I would call you this morning."

"Aww aren't you so sweet."

Thats when someone started knocking on my door.

"Hold on Ash I have someone at the door."

"Ok." I got out of bed and then walked to the door. I opened up the door and there she stood the one person that I wanted to see for the last week.

Ashley.

She had this big smile on her face that sent so many feelings through me.

Without even giving it a second thought I went up to her and I hugged her so tight.

"Your back!"

"Yeah I'm back Spence and I'm not going to go anywhere from now on."

Just hearing her say that made me feel better about how I felt of everything that has been going on with us.

Ashley came into my room and I sat down on the bed and she sat at the end of it giving space between us. Yeah that didn't feel weird at all. I would of expected a lot more from her but I also didn't want to push anything with us as well so I just ignored it all.

"I've missed you." I finally came out and said to her.

"Yeah I've missed you like crazy as well. I'm really sorry about everything Spence." Ashley was messing with her fingers looking down at me trying to not look me in the eye.

She was really nervous.

I reached out and stopped her hands from moving.

"Ash I know that your sorry about everything. We don't have to keep on bringing this all up. Let's just see how everything pans out with us ok."

Ashley smiled at me and I took my hand back.

"Well I don't know what you have going on today but I wanted to know if you would want to hang out with me."

I wouldn't want to spend the day with anyone else. We had a lot of talking to do and even though I knew that we had talked while she was gone but I still wanted to make sure that everything was all laid out before anything happens.

"I would love to." We both smiled big at eachother. She just gave me butterflies in my stomach when we were together.

"Ok sounds good. Why don't you get ready for the day and I'm going to head over to my room and talk with Kyla. I'm sure she would want to know that I'm back."

"Sure sounds good. I'll meet you back in your room in a hour ok."

"Ok." We both got up from the bed and I walked her to the door.

Ashley turned around to me. Without so much as a warning she leaned in and kissed me on the lips. Talk about being caught off guard there. I would of deepened the kiss but she moved away from me before I even got the chance.

"I've REALLY missed you." Hahaha. She was not the only one.

xxxx

Ashley went back to her room and I went to go get ready for the day. I was going to make sure that it was going to be a good one. It feels like it's been forever since we were able to hang out with eachother. We really need this time together.

It wasn't long after Ash had left that I finished getting ready.

Can you say I was in a hurry to get over to her room to see her.

Oh yes I was!

When I showed up at her room Kyla was walking out and she stopped when she saw me.

"So I'm guessing she told you that she's back."

"Yeah she showed up at my room this morning."

Kyla smiled at me and I shook my head.

"Don't even think that."

Kyla started laughing even harder and I knew that she thought something had happened with us already. Not that I wouldn't want it to happen but that wasn't in the plans right now.

"Uh HUH. I believe you." Kyla walked away with a grin on her face and I just shook my head at her.

She was funny.

I knocked on the door and a second later Ashley was at the door looking hot as ever.

Damn! Is all I had to say to that.

"Can you come in for a second. I need to grab something really quick."

"Yeah that's fine."

I walked into the room and just as I stepped in and I heard the door shut I turned around to Ashley and she literally just attacked me with her lips.

OMG!

I guess we weren't going out anytime soon.

**(A/N:Hey you guys...soo what do you think of the chpt...I'm trying to get everything done with this story before it ends. It wont be anytime soon but I'm just letting you guys know hahaha...anyways you know what to do leave the love. Even though I'm not really feeling this chpt all that much. But once again that is just me!)**


	23. Chapter 23

Man I actually hit the 200 mark for the first time with all my stories and I'm totally excited about that!!

Thx to everyone who has reviewed you guys are awesome!!

Much luv to u all!!

**Live. Laugh. Love. **

All thoughts were taken out of my head when I felt her lips against mine. It was as if I couldn't think straight about anything.

But let me tell you it was the best feeling ever.

We were both laying down on her bed smiling at eachother and I knew that things were finally looking up for the both of us and I wouldn't have it any other way.

"I don't think I want to kiss anyone for the rest of my life. You have the most softest lips I have ever came in contact with." Ashley told me as she placed another kiss on my lips.

"Mmmm I know what you mean." I responded back to her as I held her in my arms and right at the moment I knew that I was finally happy. I was finally thinking that coming here was the best thing for me.

Ashley laid her chin on my chest and looked up at me as I closed my eyes and wanted to remember this moment for the rest of time.

Does that sound cheesy of me?

Oh well.

"Your so beautiful." I opened my eyes and looked down at her. I smiled at her with a cheesy smile and she scooted up towards me and begun to nuzzle on my neck.

Damn she knew how to do that really good.

Hmm I wonder what else shes good at?

Gees Spencer get your mind of the gutter. You guys barely got together and your already thinking of how Ashley would be in bed.

If you think about it I already have her here.

Hahaha.

I swear I think Kaylee is rubbing off on me.

"Mmmm." I moaned into Ashleys ear loving the feeling she was giving me. Damn I definietly did not want to move from this bed.

"Hey Ashley."

Here comes Kyla and I jumped up quick from that bed.

Kyla stood there looking at the both of us with her devil grin and I swear I knew she was going to say something to me.

Come on Kyla get it over with already.

"Wow you work fast Spencer."

"Kyla it's not like that."

"Yeah it is!" Ashley busted out and then stood next to me.

I looked at her and it was as if I had hurt her with my comment of saying that we weren't doing anything like that together. Trust me I would never deny being with her but I also didn't want to give people bad impressions of me as well.

"Riiiigggghhhhttt!"

"Shut up Kyla. Why don't you just leave please. We were busy."

"Yeah I can see that." Kylas eyes went to the bed and then back to the both of us.

Ugh!

"LEAVE KYLA!" Ashley yelled out and Kyla put her hands up.

"I'm leaving. I'm leaving. Calm down you guys have all the time in the world to have sex." Ashley pushed her out the door and I started putting my shoes on.

I literally started weirding out and this is the first time that I have ever been in a situation like this before.

Why am I freaking out now?

This is what I've been waiting for. To be with Ashley and now that I have her things were different and I didn't really know how to deal with it all.

I must of been thinking for a while because Ashley was in front of me knealing down taking my hands into hers.

"Spencer whats wrong?"

How do I answer something that I don't even know?

"It's nothing. I just think that we need to take this slow. I thought I was ready for all of this and when we are together I know that it's right but when I have people like your sister making comments about us then it weirds me out."

"Shhh Spence. It's going to be alright."

"You even told me that it was going to be alright. We are already out so why are you freaking out now."

Good question.

I wish I knew.

Ashley wrapped her arms around me and I hesitated before I wrapped my arms around her.

"Stop it! Stop doing that."

"Stop what?" I released her and I stood there not knowing what the hell she was talking about.

"Your pulling away. It took us forever to get to this point and now you are trying to run."

"You did the same thing so don't act like I was the only one who was having a hard time with this."

Ashley looked at me as if she didn't know what to say at that. I took her quietness a sign to get out of the room. Of course I didn't get a chance to get close to the door because Ashley cut me off.

"Please don't do this Spence. Don't let this happen."

We were face to face and I took a deep breathe.

Ashley lowered her hand to my hand and laced our fingers together.

"Look, our fingers link together perfectly. We belong together and you know it. But if you let everyone get in our way then we won't have a relationship at all. I can't see you talking with anyone else. I can not be holding you because I love how I feel when you are in my hands."

She was right about that because I knew that I loved the feeling that I got when I was in her arms. It made me feel like I actually belonged with someone. It made me feel like I mattered in some way.

"Please stay with me." Ashley got closer to me and I could feel her lips approaching mine and with the view of her lips I licked mine. Ashleys mouth turned into a smile and Ashley took that as her que to kiss me.

Tender.

Soft.

Loving.

Passionate.

Comfortable.

Safe.

xxxx

The whole day we sat in the room talking. I knew that if I didn't talk this out then I would be back to the way that I was feeling about this whole situation with us. I wanted it all to work and I knew that that meant that I had to spend time with Ashley to hold on to it all.

"Always remember I was the one who came to and not the other way around."

I told Ashley as we were sitting on the floor talking about all of our lives. When I saw all of out lives I mean everything about me.

I brought the mom up.

My hardest subject in my life.

"My dad had to make a choice to let me live or my mom. Obviously he chose me."

I was looking down at my hands as they laid in my lap. We were sitting apart from eachother so we wouldn't let our emotions take over our conversation because trust me I give in with Ashley so close to me.

"Hey."

I looked up at her.

"I'm sure that it was the hardest thing for your dad to do. Anything like that would be hard."

I shook my head ok and I knew that she was just trying to be there for me.

Ashley got up and came over to my side. She took a hold of my hand and kissed it.

"I know this will sound bad and I don't mean it in a bad way at all but I'm really glad that you are here. After everything we have been through I know that we were meant to be together. It just took us time to see all of that and really I wish I could of snapped out of my feelings with Rachel but everything happens for a reason right."

I shook my head and I knew she was right.

"Thank you."

"For what?" She responded back to me.

"For being you. For being here with me. For everything."

"I wouldn't have it any other way babe."

Ashley leaned over to me and kissed my cheek. And repeated what she said as she laid her head on my shoulder.

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

**(A/N: Wow this one kind of got boring at the end and I'm sorry for that but I wasn't going to end it with drama again so I just made this chpt a filler. Hope that's all good!! Rememeber what to do...Leave the 3!! LOL)**


	24. Chapter 24

So just like I expected that last chpt SUCKED!! Sorry but that is what I am feeling right now. I think I got the worst turn out on it and when I don't get responces it totally gets me thinking that the chpt was not all that great...Oh well. I know I can't write every chpt that is great...but THANK U so much from everyone who did respond!!

Here's the next chpt!

**Live. Laugh. Love. **

I was really glad Ashley and I got to talk. I always thought when we talked about our lives it brought us closer to eachother.

The rest of the weekend we hung out in town buying some things that we needed for our dorm rooms. Everything was really great with us until we saw Gina coming out of the store we were about to head into.

I froze because all I could see in my mind was when Gina and I almost kissed and let me tell you that it was a close call. Of course Ashley doesn't know anything about it and considering we weren't together than I don't see a need to come out and tell her about it.

"Hey Spence. Ashley." Gina gave us a smile as if everything was good between us all. If that was the case than it wouldn't feel awkward right now.

"Hey. Shopping?" I asked her as I could feel the tightness on my hand from Ashley.

Hmmm. Jealous much.

"Yeah. I just had to get out of the campus and go do something else."

"Yeah I understand what you mean."

"I haven't seen ya the last couple of nights."

That's what brought Ashley into the conversation.

"Yeah we've been hanging out a lot since I got back to school." Gina looked at Ashley and shook her head as if she cared what Ashley just said.

Gina is a great person and I knew that she liked me and to be honest I had a thing for her as well but I knew that nothing could of come of it because of Ashley.

"Well that's good that you guys are getting back to the way they should be."

"Yeah. We belong together." Right when Ashley said that I felt bad for Gina. I looked at Ashley and I couldn't believe she said that to her.

Damn give the girl a break. It wasn't her fault that you couldn't make up your mind on who you wanted to be with.

Ashley didn't look at me but I did drop my hand from hers.

"Well we can talk later ok. I should be back into the room tonight."

"Sounds good. We can watch a movie or something."

I ignored Ashleys looks and smiled back at Gina as she walked away from the both of us.

"What was that?!" Ashleys voice rose up as soon as she didn't see Gina in sight anymore. I just walked into the store and did not want to go into it because I knew that I was on the verge of getting mad as well.

"Let's just get our stuff Ashley."

Ashley didn't say another word about it while we were at the store. Instead she brought it up when we got back to her room.

xxxx

"So are we going to talk about it?"

Ashley blurted out once we walked through the door and I saw Kyla sitting down on her bed.

"Nope. Not really."

"Should I leave you guys alone?" Kyla asked us.

"Yes!"

"No!"

Ashley and I both said at the same time.

"That will be my que to leave. I'll be back later when the storm has blown over." Kyla got up and left the room with her book in hand. I sat down on the end of the bed and I knew that this was not going to be just left alone.

"Why did you care that I said that to Gina earlier?"

"Come on Ashley you were being hella rude to her. How would you like it if she said that to you? I know for a fact you would of hated it. But yet you can come out and say that to her face and expect me to be ok with it. She's my roommate Ashley and a good friend. You don't have to act that way around her."

"She has feelings for you Spencer. How else am I suppose to act? It's as if there was something going on between you guys."

I looked directly at her and I could of easily said that there was something there but we didn't persue on it because of her. Instead I ignored the question.

"There's nothing going on between us. So you need to stop acting all paranoid about her. She's a good person and there doesn't need to be all of this tension around us when she comes around."

Ashley slowly walked up to me with her pouty face trying to make me fold.

"I can't help feeling jealous when I know you are so hot and everyone would want to be with you."

"Not everyone." Ashley hit me on my arm and we both started laughing.

"Ouch. I was just kidding. Calm down Bruce Lee." Ashley scrunched her nose and kissed me on the lips.

I'm telling you with just her little smile I can crumble to my knees. That's how much I'm falling for this girl.

xxxx

"I'm sorry if everything was weird between us earlier Spence."

I was back at my room with Gina getting a movie ready for the both of us to watch. And just to make sure that nothing happened between us I decided to stay on my bed and she stayed on her bed.

Ashley would kill me if she knew that we were both laying on the same bed watching a movie.

It was already hard enough to try to convince her that I wasn't going to do anything when I went back to my room for the movie.

She's so stubborn.

"It's ok. I'm sorry for the way Ashley talked to you."

"I would probably act the same way if I was dating a hot her." I looked over at Gina and I could feel my cheeks burn up at her comment.

"To be honest with you Spencer I haven't stopped liking you." I got super quiet and tried not to hear it. Maybe if I pretend I didn't hear that than I won't have to feel guilty when I met Ashley for breakfast tomorrow morning before classes.

"I know that I said that it was ok that you didn't like me and sure I guess it is but I haven't changed the way I feel about you. With every minute that we actually talk I know that I'm falling more and with you. Is that weird?"

Without any hesitation I shot out my answer.

"No."

Shit did I just respond.

"I don't know what's going on but I know that my feelings aren't going to go away anytime soon."

I looked towards the screen and I was so glad the movie was starting. I didn't know how long I was going to have to keep going with my silence.

I knew everything couldn't just turn out right with us.

Nooo.There's always some type of drama.

**(A/N: Sorry for the delay but you know about the whole comp thing already!! You guys are awesome beyond words...lots of love to you all!! Well I know its short but I hope you like...Please leave the love!!)**


	25. Chapter 25

Hey you guys...man something is telling me that this is going to be a longggg week!! LOL...But yeah well thx for all the reviews...always and forever love out to my readers...u guys make me want to keep writing(of course when I actually get a chance to write that is lol) anyways...on with the show hahaha!

Ughh jus like I expected this has been a bad week already and its only the middle of it. Last night was a hard one for me and lately I feel like I haven't had anyone to talk to...which is why I'm writing my feelings out right now. Writing gets my mind off of crying so I'm at least glad I got this to do to pass the time when I can.

Sry for being all down but I'm really not doing that great right now. But the chpt will go up today...I promise! Bye.

**Live. Laugh. Love. **

**Princess21- R U serious! Dang the gurl still has the hotts for ya. **

Doesn't that just sound like Kaylee to you.

**Dreamer18- I know. I know. It was so awkward just watching a movie in my own room with my roommate who seems to still have a thing for me. **

**Princess21- Than again if I sung that way I would totally fall for you. U hott gurl! **

**Dreamer18- Don't even start that Kaylee I don't need anyone else who has a thing for me. **

**Princess21- U know u love the attention! LOL! **

**Dreamer18- Anyways! What am I going to do with all of this? **

**Princess21- Does Ashley know she still has a thing for u? **

**Dreamer18- I think she has a clue but I haven't said anything to her about it. **

**Princess21- Oooooo! I'm telling! **

**Dreamer18- Shut up Kaylee! It's not like I'm keeping something from her. **

**Princess21- Honey u r and u know it! Just tell her and then u won't feel the way that u do right now. Other wise when everything comes out then it won't look good towards u. **

Ughhh! I knew that Kaylee had a point and I so wanted to bring it up but I also know that Ashley will go off the hook about Gina and then expect me to move out of my room. I love my room and Gina is pretty good company but I know that Ashley won't like it any longer.

xxxx

"How was the movie last night?"

Ashley asked me when we were sitting in the hall eating breakast and I was trying to keep my eyes open because I was online with Kaylee forever.

"Umm it was ok." I looked down at my food scooting it around my plate knowing that Ashley was looking at me while I did this.

"I thought you were going to call me last night before you went to bed."

I don't know if it's just me but all her questions were getting to me.

"Sorry. I ended up talking with Kaylee online after Gina went to bed. By the time I got off line it was almost 3 in the morning."

"Is that why you look like you didn't get any sleep."

"No Ashley. Gina and I decided to go at it last night." I know, I know. I'm a bitch when I get no sleep.

Ashleys face went straight down and I was not in the mood to care at that moment.

"That really was not funny Spencer."

"Good because I wasn't meaning it to be funny."

Yep the wrong thing to say to her.

"You know what. Talk to me when you aren't in a bitchy mood."

"Whatever you say." Ashley stood up from her chair and left the table and went to go sit with Kyla and Chelsey.

Alone all over again. That was fine with me. As long as I wasn't getting bitched at for something I didn't do than I was happy about that.

xxxx

Class started and Ashley sat in the back and I sat next to her because I knew that if I didn't than I would be hearing that from her as well.

Of course we didn't say anything to eachother the whole class period. I think she was waiting for me to say something to her. As soon as class was over with we both walked to our next class but I did not let her go in without us talking to eachother.

"Come here."

"Spencer we need to get to class."

"Yeah I know but we need to talk. And we can not wait until later."

Ashley and I stood over to the side of the class with everyone walking passed us. Yeah and we got stares as well. Ugh I hate when people look at us. They just need to mind there own damn business and keep on moving.

I was about to say something when Ashleys voice popped into my head. They were so lucky.

"So are we going to talk or are we just going to stay out here all class period." Right when she said that an idea popped into my head and I grabbed ahold of her hand.

"Come on."

"Spencer what are you doing? Spencer we have to go to class."

No matter what Ashley was saying to me she followed my every step and I was glad for that. We needed to just be together and not worry about everyone around us.

We made it to the gate and I looked at Frank and Frank looked at the both of us.

"Can we please have some time off campus? Please Frank we really need this."

I asked him. He kind of looked like he wanted to protest but he chose not to and he let us off campus.

"Thank you. Thank you. Thank you."

"You now what I'm going to say so make sure your back here soon."

I smiled at him and Ashley and I got off campus. We got some distance away from the campus and Ashley stopped me as we were walking through the woods.

"Why did you bring me out here for?"

"To do this." I went up to her and I kissed her. I kissed her like it had been years since I was able to do that. I loved her and she knew it but she was so damn jealous that it just pissed me off so bad.

"Uhhh." Ashley said as we parted lips.

I smiled at her statement.

"You need to stop being so jealous Ashley. I hate it when you are like that. It doesn't fit you at all. If I wanted to be with Gina than I would be with her but I'm not. I'm with you, well I think we are a couple." Ashley cut me off with a kiss and it was my turn to go weak in the knees.

"Damn."

"Yeah I thought you might like that." She was right her tonge could do some amazing things. Hmmm I wonder what else it can do?

Stop thinking that way Spencer. Gees!

"What are you thinking about?" Ashley smiled at me big and I knew that she probably had an idea of what I was thinking about.

Kaylee is right you can so read me like a freaking book sometimes.

I blushed and put my head down.

"Nothing."

"Liar. I think I know what was on your mind." Ashley leans in and brushes her lips against my ear and it sent chills down my body. Damn she was really good at that. I'm needing a really long cold shower right now.

Ashley bites down on my ear and it just sent me over the edge. I grabbed a hold of her waist and I started kissing on her neck. Talk about no time like the present to get to know eachother better. We were leaned up against the tree making out and not having a care in the world.

Awww I love it when it's just the two of us. It makes things so much better.

xxxx

Time must of really gotten away from us because by the time I looked at my cell it was already two hours passed and I knew that wasn't good.

"Ash. Ashley we have to stop."

"What? Why? I'm so good where I'm at right now." We were pressed up against eachother and trust me I would of rather stayed in our spot as well but I was starting to get a bad feeling in my stomach. Ashleys hands had pretty much found their way around my body and let's just say I was going to be having some good dreams tonight.

Anyways.

"Babe we have to go. Frank wanted us back like an hour ago. If we get caught we're going to be in big trouble." Ashley gave my lips one more peck and then grabbed her shirt from the rock she set it on.

Did I mention we had no shirts on? Hahaha.

Oops I left that out.

As soon as we were situated with ourselves we walked back to the campus with huge smiles on our faces and I knew that we needed to have some time alone with eachother.

And what a great time it was.

As soon as we reached the gates they were ammediately opened for us and as we walked through to say sorry to Frank Dean Marshall and Frank were standing there.

Shit!

"Ladies to my office now!" His voice was rough and I knew that this was not going to be good.

I looked at Ashley and she looked at me with a sorry forming on her lips.

This wasn't her fault. It was mine and I was going to make sure that Dean Marshall knew the truth.

I hope he doesn't call dad.

**(A/N:Well there's the chpt like I promiesd. I would of said more but I'm not in the mood really. This part of the story will be ending soon and I will have a continuing part...of course but I have an idea for another story so I think I'm going to do that one first...just so I don't forget it! Anyways...leave the love!)**


	26. Chapter 26

Hey you guys...thx for reading and everything else that was brought up. I'm glad u guys still like the story...probably about 2 or 3 more chpts left! So dnt go anywhere because it will be back lol.

Well here's the next chpt!

**Live. Laugh. Love. **

We both sat in the office waiting for Dean Marshall to come in. This was not good at all. I sat there sweating bullets because I didn't want to have Ashley get into trouble or even me for that matter.

"Don't worry everything is going to be ok."

Ashley was trying to convince me that everything was going to be ok but I wasn't feeling that way. Dean Marshall was angry and I could tell that he was going to go off on the both of us.

_SLAM! _

That would be the door to his office when he walked in.

Yep definitely not in a good mood.

"Where do you girls come off thinking that you can leave the campus anytime you want?"

I looked at him as he walked in front of us to sit down in his seat. His face was red and he was madder than hell.

"It's none of Ashleys fault Dean. It was my decision to go off campus."

"Sir I wanted to leave as well."

"Ashley stop."

"No. We both left."

"Will the both of you just be quiet!" Our eyes went back to Dean Marshall and I sat there with my hands clamping the chair.

"Did Frank let you guys out of the gates?"

"No!" Both of us repeated to Dean Marshall because we did not want him to get in trouble. It was our choice and we were going to take the blame even though I didn't want Ashley to get into any trouble. I would rather be at fault for it all if necessary.

He gave us the eye and went on with his lecture.

"You do not know how much trouble you both are in right now. Your lucky I don't suspend you both for pulling this stunt. In the guidlines that you signed at the beginning of the year states that you can get kicked out of the school if you disobey any of the rules in the book."

Ugh I don't want to get kicked out. I still wanted to get to Princeton. I still wanted to follow in my mothers footsteps.

"Please Dean we won't do it again. It was only this one time and I'm sorry that we left campus." I was really trying to make it sound like I was so sorry for all of it.

Hey if I can lay it on thick than I was all for it.

"Both of you will have kitchen duty until you leave for the holiday break."

Which was only for the rest of this week and half of next week. This should be fun. At least we weren't getting kicked out that was for sure. I did not need that at all and I'm sure that Ashley felt the same way.

We sat in there for a few more minutes and right when we were about to leave his office he said the words I did not want to hear.

"Both of your parents will be getting a phone call from me about this incident."

Damn it!

I didn't look back or give him any indication that I didn't want him to do that because I knew that he would like it better that he knew that I was going to get into trouble about this.

Don't need to give him satisfaction.

xxxx

"I'm sorry." We were sitting outside Trenton Hall sitting on the bench and I had my face in my palms. I was so stressed out that I knew that my father was going to get mad about leaving off campus like that. He expected me to go to school, get good grades and not get into trouble.

It's alittle to late for that one now.

"It's not your fault. It was my choice to leave campus." I looked back at her.

"I'm just sorry you got in trouble."

"It's not my first time you know. I've been in Dean Marshalls office about a billion times that it didn't bother me one bit. So don't worry about it."

Ashley wrapped her arms around my neck and I knew that she was just trying to make me feel better about the whole situation but I didn't really know how my father was going to take all of this.

xxxx

"YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!"

Yep he didn't take this well.

"I sent you to that school so you can get into the college that you want to go to not to mess around Spencer. Who's this girl that you got in trouble with?"

There's another thing he didn't know about me. The fact that I'm gay. Yeah that should go over real smoothly with him.

"She's just a friend dad."

"So you're hanging out with trouble makers now."

"NO! Dad it was my choice to go off campus. I just had to get out I felt like I was locked up and I chose to go off campus. It was no one elses fault so stop trying to blame everyone else."

"Spencer don't you dare take that tone with me. I didn't send you there so you could mess around and not focus. Do you want me to take you out because I will in a heart beat."

"Dad I'm sorry. No, please don't take me out. I promise I won't do anything else." I swear I was on the verge of tears and I did not want to leave here.

"When you get home from break you will be grounded. Do you hear me young lady?"

"Yes."

"Good. I have to go now but I will be checking up on you so I expect nothing but good behavior."

"Yes sir."

Dad got off the phone and I sat there on my bed wanting to ball right there and than but I didn't. A second later Gina walked in carrying her books with her.

"Hey Spence." She looked at me and I tried to smile at her but I knew that it was a very bad attempt. Apparently Gina saw right through me.

What a shocker.

"Hey what's wrong?" Gina sat by me on the bed and I continued looking at the floor wishing that I had chose not to go off campus like that. I was so stupid for doing that during classes. I should of just waited for the weekend.

"I just had a really bad phone call with my dad."

"Is everything ok?"

"Ashley and I got caught going off campus during school hours and we got caught by Dean Marshall. He called up my father and he is so ready to take me out of here."

"Spencer I'm sorry." Gina took my hand and I wanted so much to pull away but I knew that she was just trying to be my friend at this moment.

"It's not your fault. It's mine. I made the choice so it's my responcibility."

"Did Ashley get in trouble?"

"We both got Kitchen duty for the rest of the school semester."

"See that's not that bad."

"Have you had it?" I looked at her as her grip on my hand got stronger. I could feel her thumb rubbing against the top on my hand and it was throwing off my concentration.

"No."

"I didn't think so. I'm just going to head to the library ok." I stood up and Gina stood up with me. I slowly released her hand and Gina brought her arms to me and gave me a hug.

"You know I'm here for you if you need anyone to talk to." She said as she held onto me tight. Almost like she didn't want to let go just yet.

"I know and I really appreciate it."

xxxx

I was sitting in the way back of the library on the floor thinking of everything that happened today.

I think this holiday away from school will be a good one. It will let me get focused on the things that I need to start doing instead of letting myself get into situations like this.

I scrowled down my phonelist trying to see who I could call because I really wanted to at least talk to someone.

Of course who do I call Kaylee.

"What do you want woman? I'm about to head out on a date."

Of course she was. She is never without someone.

"It's alright I'll just talk to you later."

"Now I know something really is wrong. What's going on?"

I sat there silent for a second and than spoke.

"Nothing. I'll just talk to you later."

"Bitch tell me what's wrong with you."

See I really was not in the mood for her. Maybe I should of not called at all.

So what do I do. I hang up on her.

Then I turn the phone off.

I just want to be alone right now.

**(A/N: Hey you guys...so what do you think? It wasn't that long or that much in it but I'm really out of it right now...I hope u at least it liked it some what. Of course I aint getting that much replys but ohh well I'm feeling like Spencer right now and I want to be alone. Which is probably why I wrote her in that state of mind...anyways tell me what you think...be sure to leave the love...i kind of need a cheer up. Thx!)**


	27. Chapter 27

Hey you guys...thx for responding and showing the love...I really appareciate it all!! You guys are great...ummm still not in the great state right now but like I said I'm writing to keep my mind off of things...but thanks for the support out there...Hotcutii3...you totally got a smile on the face...thanks for that! To everyone who cared to ask me how I was doing or if I'm better thank you for that! You guys are awesome!

Well heres the next chpt!

**Live. Laugh. Love. **

It wasn't until 10 when I finally left the library to head back to my room. I haven't had my phone on this whole time and I didn't care one bit. The silence in the library almost made me fall asleep which is why I headed back to my room to get some sleep before I had to head to the kitchen in the morning.

The night air was pretty chilly and I had wished I had brought a sweater but I was without.

I was about to go up the steps to walk into the Hall when I hear Ashleys voice behind me.

"Spencer."

I stopped and turned around.

"Where have you been? I've been calling you and looking for you."

We stood there on the steps and Ashley grabbed a hold of my hand trying to make sure that I was doing ok.

"I've just been around. I turned the phone off because I didn't want to be bothered by anyone."

Ashley looked at me as if I had just hurt her feelings.

"Please don't think that it's you who is bothering me because it's not. I just wanted to be alone that's all."

"It's alright." Ashley said while releasing my hand and putting them in her pockets.

"So where we you. If you don't mind me asking."

"Ashey I don't mind at all. I wanted to be alone that's all. I was all the way in the back of the library."

"I went in there but I didn't go towards the back."

"Yeah I was there. I called Kaylee but she was busy and then she ended up just pissing me off so I turned the phone off. Which is why it was off when you tried calling me."

Ashley shook her head up and down.

"Will you stay with me tonight?" Ashley asked me as I stood there thinking that I wanted so much to stay over there but I knew that I would not get any sleep if I did and right now I needed to get some sleep. I had to be in the kitchen in the mornings and the evenings. Where as Ashley had the lunch schedule of kitchen duty. They pretty much had us apart from eachother and I didn't like it at all.

"I have to get up super early in the morning and I know that if I stay in your room than I won't get any sleep."

A small smile spread across her face and it made me smile. Which than put a smile on my face.

"You are too cute for words." Ashley said as she wrapped her arms around my neck and I placed my hands on her waist.

"And you are just gorgeous." I said to her before I placed a small kiss on her lips. Of course it didn't stop there. Oh no it escalated to us back into her room.

So much for getting sleep tonight.

xxxx

"Is Kyla going to come?" I asked her in between kisses as I felt the passion that was escalating from the both of us. Let's just say it was getting hot in here!

"Uhhhh uhhhh." Ashley moaned out of her lips as they were working on my neck as I found my way to her bed.

As soon as my legs hit the bed my knees buckled and Ashley pushed me back on the bed.

Talk about forceful.

I love it!

Ashley than straddled me while taking her shirt off and I swear I was memorized.

Can you saw hott?

Because let me tell you she's beyond hot and all mine.

Ashley began to nibble on my ear which made my eyes roll back into my head loving the feeling that she was giving me through that little touch.

Her skin was baby soft as I brought her body down to my own.

"Spencer you taste so good." Ashley said as he was moving her way to my lips again.

"Like wise babe." Ashley rested on her hands looking down at me and gave me her classic smile.

Oh just kill me now this woman is making me go crazy.

"I love it when you call me babe." She confessed.

"I love calling you babe." I told her as I rested myself on my elbows so I could reach up to her to plant a kiss on her lips. My mouth moved to her ear and I whispered something to her.

"Do we really need to be talking right now? Because I can think of a better thing we could be doing with out mouths." Ashley laughed and it was the cutiest thing.

"Spencer you are such a perv."

"You better believe it. Now come here." I grabbed her sides and brought her down to me placing sweet kisses on her neck. I sure left her a surprise she will have to cover in the morning.

I started to move my hands to the back of her to grab the clasp when the door flung open.

"Hey Ashley. Ohhh shit!"

Kyla. Kyla. Kyla.

"KYLA!" Ashley screamed out as Kyla turned around.

My head hit the pillow and it totally killed the mood.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to ruin anything it's just that Mom is downstairs."

It got quiet. Ashley didn't say anything and Kyla finally turned around to look at Ashley. Me on the other hand was putting on my shirt.

"What do you mean Mom is here?"

"She just got her and she is pissed. She told me to come get you. I didn't know that Spencer was staying the night."

Kyla looked over towards me and I just gave her a smile.

"Sorry Spencer."

"That's fine Kyla. I should be getting back to my room anyways."

Ashley turned around to stop me.

"Babe don't go."

"I have to. Your mom is downstairs and I have to go and get some sleep before work in the morning."

Ashley started pouting and usually I would fall for her little expressions but I knew that she had some issuse to take care with her mom.

I wonder if she was pissed that she got caught going off grounds. hopefully it's something totally different because I would feel so bad if it was.

"I'll see you in class tomorrow ok." I placed a small kiss on her lips and I walked out the door.

Man talk about a great night that just turned upside down by one person walking in on you.

Hell it was still awesome there is no denying that.

xxxx

"You will be surving the food and cleaning the dishes after breakfast is finished with. Do you understand everything I am telling you?"

I was standing in the kitchen looking at this old short lady with glasses and a hair net. She kind of scared me with that spachula in her hands. Like she was going to beat me or something.

"Yes I understand."

She tossed a hair net my way and I just about died.

You got to be shitting me right now. I have to wear this piece of crap.

"Do I have to?"

She turned around at me and gave me the evil eye.

I will take that as a yes.

I put the damn thing on and went to my first station.

Mmmm Oatmeal. If only it didn't look like it was a week old.

Ughhh!

xxxx

So everyone decided to come in for breakfast this morning which gave everyone a chance to look at me. This was great.

This is the way I want to spend the rest of my semester here. Looking like an ass in front of my class mates. Well part of them at least. The rest I could careless about.

Ashley didn't show up though. I so thought she would of came through the line just to laugh at me.

Because she loves me so much.

Instead I got Kyla coming through the line.

"So this is what you have to do? Fun." Kyla and Chelsey were laughing at me.

"Shut up you two before I spit in your food." Of course they stopped and then they looked behind me.

Shit!

I turned around and saw Mrs. Lock looking at me with her hands on her hips.

She must of heard my comment. This is great.

"What did you just say Miss Carlin?"

"Nothing." I tried to smile but that didn't work out that great.

"DISHES. NOW!"

I turned back to the girls and they were laughing their asses off.

I am so getting them back.

Right before I walked away Kyla stopped me.

"Hey Spencer. Ashley said that she will talk to after lunch shift. She said that it's important."

I didn't know what to think about that. I shook my head ok and went over to the sinks to start the dishes.

Of course the whole time I couldn't keep my mind on what I was doing instead it was on Ashley and what she needed to talk to me about.

Ughhh!

**(A/N: Hey you guys...soo here the chpt...I probably have like 2 left until I start a new one. Soo you know what to do...cuzz u love me so much hahaha...leave the love! Thx again for all the kind words as well. It meant alot.)**


	28. Chapter 28

Hey you guys...sorry for the delay...I actually had a great weekend...Hung out with the bestfriend and we went out to a party and had a awesome time!! So thank you guys for the kind words...much love out to all!!

Ok this is the second time I've written this chpt...you know me Im sooo picky with my writing...hopefully i like this turn out hahaha anyways I have a Softball game tonight!! YAY!

Wish me luck! xD

Heres the next chpt!

**Live. Laugh. Love. **

Lunch duty and up coming finals were kicking my butt. At this point I was wishing that Dad had just taken me back to Ohio with him. Of course that would of meant that I wouldn't of been around Ashley and that wouldn't of worked out for me. I was falling for her so hard it was not even funny.

Classes that morning Ashley was kind of quiet but I knew that it had to do with her mom coming here last night to talk to her. She hasn't mentioned anything to me yet but that was only because we had tons of notes for our up coming finals.

Which by the way I did not want to take.

xxxx

Lunch finally came and I so would of went into the hall to check out Ashley and see how sexy she looked in her hair net but I couldn't. I skipped lunch and went to the library to grab some books for my final for Chem.

Ugghhh worse subject ever for me!

"Are you reafy for finals?" Gina asked me as she came up to me at the table I was sitting at.

"Not really but I guess I will have to be right."

"Exactly. So when are you heading home?"

"Next thursday after my last final. When are you leaving?"

"I decided to stay here for the break." I looked at her and I wanted to know why she was staying here. I would of thought she would of wanted to be with her family.

"Do you mind me asking why?"

"Nah it's fine. I've just been having a hard time at home and right now I would rather be here for the break."

Her face expression was telling me that she was not liking her situation. I know I don't know anything about her home life but if it comes down to not wanting to go home for the holidays than it had to be bad. Even though I know that things have been a pain with dad and the boys I know I have it good there.

"You know if you ever get bored being her by yourself you should come and visit me in Ohio." Just the thought in her head made her smile for days and it was cute.

"I wouldn't want Ashley and you to get into a fight."

"We are friends Gina and I'm inviting a friend to come and hang with me. That's not bad at all."

"It's different when that friend has feelings for the other one." I knew she was going to bring that up and yeah she was right. Ashley would not like the fact that I was inviting her over but she was my friend and I didn't like to see friends all alone during the holidays.

"We're friends and I know that I wouldn't want to lose that friendship."

"Your right. I wouldn't want to lose you as a friend either. I'll try my hardest not to attack you."

We both started laughing hard. She was a crack up.

"Ok I got to get going. I have a study date with my books for a few hours in the silent area." That was on the otherside of the library and I only went over there when I knew that I had to crack down on my work. See if you talked there than you would have the library lady get on your ass and if she had to tell you more than once than you are out of the library for the day.

Crazy huh.

"Alright. I'll see you later."

I looked down at my watch and I noticed that Ashley was already done with lunch duty so I grabbed my things and I headed back to my room. She said that she would meet me there after she was finished.

xxxx

"So how sexy did you look in that hair net?"

I asked her as we were sitting on my bed with our backs against the wall. She has been quiet ever since she got back to my room and I've been trying to get her to perk up but I can tell she didn't really want to be cheery.

"I guess."

Ashleys head went onto my shoulder and I wanted to know what was wrong with her.

"So what's going on? Why are you so quiet for? I thought you would of been happy to spend some alone time with me." Ashleys head nestled into the crook of my neck.

"I am."

"Really, because you sure fooled me." Ashley moved her head off of my shoulder and got off the bed.

"Ashley."

No responce.

"What happened with your mom last night?"

"She has me going home by friday. She had it arranged for me to take my finals home so I don't have to be here." This is why she has been quiet with me. I knew that it had to do something with last night. So she was leaving before me. I sat there thinking about it and I didn't even know when we would be able to see eachother. I wanted to have Ashley come and visit me when we got home. She lived in Cleveland which was only about a half an hour drive away from me.

"Are we going to see eachother over the break?"

"That's up to you."

"What do you mean up to me? I asked you if we were going to see eachother. Obviously that would mean that I wanted to be with you during the break."

"Aren't you grounded when you get home?"

She had a point. I didn't care I would get off and I would be able to see her. I wasn't going to let this whole time go by and us not see eachother.

"I'll get off. I can't go this whole time without you." I told her as I got off the bed to go by her.

"We can't be together." And those would be the words that killed me. Those are the words that had me stunned as I stood there in front of her.

"What the hell are you talking about? Why can't we be together?" I was stuck. I didn't know what to thinking about it. This whole time I thought that we were making some kind of progress on our relationship. Instead I feel like a stupid ass now.

"Maybe you should find out about your moms pass and than get back to me."

What did my mom have to do with us?

Why was I about get mad at Ashley for just bring up the thought of my mom?

"I think you should just leave." I told her as I walked over to my door and opened it for her. Ashley grabbed her bag and walked out of the room without so much as a glance my way.

Was this really happening?

We weren't even official but it felt like I was getting my heart ripped out of my heart. I didn't want to be apart from her but apparently she didn't want to be with me.

What did my mother have to do with any of this?

I needed to know and I knew that the only person to have the answers would be my dad.

I wanted to go home now.

**(A/N: Heyyy...so theres the chpt...yep I got something up my sleeve hahaha and I kind of like this chpt better than the last one! But ya you know what to do...leave me some love xD! PLEASE!! Hahaha! Have a great weekend everyone!!)**


	29. Chapter 29

Ok so I would like to state it right now...THEY ARE NOT SISTERS!! Ewww that would be sick...I aint that weird gees u guys hahaha!! Anyways heres the next chpt!

Ohh and thanks for all the reviews...u guys are awesome!!

xD

Ok I'm heading to NY Wed and I'm sooo excited!! So I won't be able to have a chpt of the next story until I come back which will be Sunday so hopefully I'll have one up next Monday so stay tuned you guys! Thanks soo much for all the love...it means the world to me!

**Live. Laugh. Love. **

Everything was so confusing. I sat there not knowing what to think of anything. She just told me that she couldn't be with me because of my mother.

What the hell did my mother have to do with us?

I know that I shouldn't of thrown her out like that but when she came out and made it sound like my mother was at fault for everything it got me angry. My mom is dead and to bring her back into this was beyond wrong. I know for a fact that Ashley wouldn't like that.

Ughhh!

xxxx

For that left over week we stayed out of eachothers way. How sad is it that one minute we are totally fine with one another and I was actually thinking of telling my dad about us when this all comes down into play. I want us to workout. I want us to be good with eachother and not have everyone in our way to have a relationship.

I want to be with her.

Stupid ass secrets and all the drama that comes with them make me mad. My year was not suppose to be like this. Just from coming here I've had so much heartache and it killed me because it involved loving Ashley. I really did fall for her and for all this to happen was not what I had in mind.

xxxx

"How are you doing?" I was in my room with Gina packing up the last of my things before I go back home for the holidays. Maybe I could finally get some peace about all of this while I'm away from here.

Ashley left yesterday and I didn't even say goodbye to her. I couldn't because I knew that she didn't want to have anything to do with me. I needed to know what my mom did. I needed to know why she couldn't stand to be around me.

"Not that great but thanks for asking."

"I'm sorry that all of this happened with you and Ashley." I turned around to look at her and she was looking at me as if she really meant it. I tried to pull off a small smile for her but it wasn't happening.

I quickly turned my head away because I was on the verge of crying.

Again.

Personally I was sick of crying so I just continued to pack.

"So did you really mean that you wanted me to come and visit over the break?" Right not other than Kaylee Gina was a great friend and I didn't want to lose that.

"Of course I did. We can all hangout and go to the football games back home. That's kind of what we do around out parts." Gina chuckled at me and even though she found it funny it was the truth.

"I'm telling ya though we have some fun. Of course I always ended up plastered on my ass by the end of the night but it was doing it all."

"Your so cute."

"Yeah I know."

"And conceeded."

"Hey your the one who said that I was cute so that was your fault." I threw my pillow her way and we shared a laugh together. I was glad that I was at least laughing about something. Lately all I've been doing is crying.

xxxx

That evening I went into the dinner hall and I was getting something to eat when Kyla met me in line.

"I heard about everything that happened with you two."

"Ya. It was your sisters choice."

"It was your mom." Hearing her say that got me pissed off.

"You know what Kyla you didn't know my mom so don't act like you have a clue on what happened."

"I probably know more than you do."

I looked at her and I was about to say so much more but I decided to keep it to myself. I didn't need to get into anymore trouble than what I was in already.

So I grabbed my food and left the hall. This was all bullshit and with them knowing what went on here when my mom went here pissed me off even more because I was out of the loop. I thought dad told me everything about mom. I didn't think that he would keep secrets from me about her. Especially when it comes back to kick me in the ass.

I was going to find out what happened when I get home.

xxxx

That following week I finsihed up my finals early and I had dad come and pick me up earlier than expected. I needed to get away from here and not have to think about everything that happened with Ashley.

"I'm going to miss you."

Gina told me as we were sitting in my room waiting for my dad to come back up to grab the rest of the bags.

"I'm going to miss you to but we will see eachother when you come and visit."

"Yeah I know but it won't be the same until we come back to school."

"Yeah. So am I going to get a hug before I leave." Gina smiled at me and she walked over to me. I hugged her and she squeezed me tight.

Dad came into the room a second later and we both retreated from eachothers arms.

"You ready to go Spencer?"

"Yeah I'm ready dad. Just saying bye to Gina." I smiled at her and I grabbed a bag and walked out the door with dad.

xxxx

The whole way home I had Ashley on my mind and I wanted to hear her voice. I wanted to just be in her arms and not have to worry about anything that was going on. I just wanted her.

"Why are you so silent?"

I was looking out the window and I shook my head trying to ignore him.

I went silent again and than just got it off my chest.

"What happened with mom at school?"

Now it was dads turn to be silent. I looked over at him and he was straight face.

"I thought we went over this Spencer. You need to stay out of the past."

"It's kind of hard when the past is coming back to haunt me and ruin my relationship with Ashley,"

I was coming out.

"Your friendship with Ashley." Dad didn't get it.

"No our relationship. As in my girlfriend." Dad looked right over to me and than looked away from me. He didn't want to believe it and I could tell.

xxxx

The rest of the ride home was silent and we didn't talk about anything. Obviously he couldn't belive it and personally I didn't care what he thought about me. I am who I am. If they don't like it than it's their problem not mine.

xxxx

Home.

Finally home.

Glen and Clay greeted me at the front door with nothing but smiles. It was really good to see my brothers and be back here with people I love.

I sat on my bed enjoying everything around me not wanting to budge from my spot.

"Spencer the door."

Glen came barging into my room.

Yep. I'm home alright. I sat up on my bed and looked at him. I shook my head ok and started to walk out of the room. I knew that it had to be Kaylee greeted me home. I couldn't wait to get back here so we could spend some time with eachother. It's been way to long.

I ran down the stairs and I opened up with door with a big smile on my face and then it dropped. Everything stopped for me and I was shocked at who I was looking at.

Ashley.

Why was she here?

What did she want?

**(A/N: So this is the last chpt for this part of the story...hahaha I love cliffhangers!! I'm sooo mean...the next story will have Spencer finding out about her mom and all of that drama. So I really hope you guys stay with me on this story!! Sooo you know what to do...Please leave the love!! XD)**


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